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For good measure, I threw up. When I was finally ready to head back to the office—my mouth rinsed and my makeup fixed—I felt rotten. I had wrapped both pregnancy tests in paper towels before putting them in a plastic bag and then discarding everything in a sanitary bin. I couldn’t afford for anyone to find them.
I sat down at my desk and tried to focus on my work, but there was no way I was going to be able to concentrate. My mind was all over the place, and I felt sicker than usual. Now that I knew I was pregnant, it was like I was experiencing every symptom in full force. That and I was about to lose my mind to panic. I had to get out of the office.
I walked to Shane’s office, considering Brett was still MIA, and asked him if I could leave. He took one look at me and nodded. Maybe I looked the way that I felt.
On the drive home, I tried to wrap my mind around what was happening. This couldn’t be right. My life wasn’t supposed to work out this way. I couldn’t be pregnant now after my mom had spent her whole life lecturing me. What was she going to say when she found out? I was terrified of her reaction. And what about Brett? How was I going to tell him?
Maybe it was better if I got a blood test first. Maybe there was a chance that it was still a false alarm. After being sick for a whole week, having what could have been morning sickness and two very seriously positive pregnancy tests, I strongly doubted that it had been a mistake, but a girl could hope.
If I really was pregnant, I would have to speak to Brett about it. That made me even more nervous, and for a moment I was worried I would throw up right there in the car. After everything Brett was going through to pull the company back, he couldn’t be a father. Not now, and especially not to his new intern’s baby. If what we had done hadn’t already ruined his career, this definitely would. I would never forgive myself if I caused his company’s downfall. I knew that it wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t like I had slept with him with the intention of falling pregnant. But still, it was happening, and I felt awful.
Brett had pulled a disappearing act. I could too. After Shane had seen me looking as sick as I had at the office, I was sure he would let me have the next day or two to myself. I needed time to go see a doctor. I needed time to wrap my mind around what was happening.
By the time I arrived home, I was on the verge of breaking down. I had been strong since the moment everything had gone wrong, willing to carry the consequences of my actions. It had been hard, but I had done what was expected of me and attended to my responsibilities. Becoming pregnant on top of everything else was too much for me to handle. I would book an appointment as soon as possible, but even though I wished desperately that the blood test results would be negative, deep down inside I knew it wouldn’t be the case.
In other words, I was fucked.
Chapter 21
Brett
When I went back to work Friday, Erica wasn’t in the office. I was worried about her. I hadn’t spoken to her in a while, but the last time we had spoken she had felt sick. She had been sick a lot lately. I hoped that whatever had been wrong with her was better now.
I felt bad that I hadn’t checked in with her for a few days, but I had needed the time to myself to think about what was going on in my life. Since I had finished school, Loomis Industries had been my sole focus. I had done everything in my power to build my empire, and it had gone very well. The company was so big now, and I had become famous for it. My name was up there along with the greats.
As a result, my personal life had fallen by the wayside. I hadn’t focused on building a family, cultivating friendships, or finding someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Until now, it wasn’t something I had needed. I had been happy with women who whirled in and out of my life, and I had thought for a long time that I would be happy with it until I was old and gray and couldn’t get it up anymore.
I had reached the point where I needed to settle down earlier than I had expected. And then I had met Erica. She had come for her interview in my office that first day, and everything had changed. For the past couple of days, I had thought about what she meant to me and what the company meant to me. It wasn’t that one was more important than the other, but I knew that I didn’t want to lose Erica any more than I wanted to lose Loomis Industries. She had become as important to me as my work, and that was saying something.
