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We lie in the darkness, Finn stroking my arm with his fingertip, listening to the baby monitor as Sunny coughs and moves around. I thought that hearing her in the middle of the night would give me anxiety and that I’d stand over her and watch her breathe just to make sure she was fine. But it’s not that way at all. Having her here is almost more calming than anything. Sure, she cries and tries to put everything in her mouth, but so do I, depending on the moment. I can forgive a girl for demanding to be heard.
As if she knows I’m thinking of her, her little voice comes across the speakers in a faint little cry.
Finn brushes my hair out of my face as we listen to see if she’ll get louder or if she’ll go back to sleep. But as the seconds tick on, she gets more irritated, and her little cries become more than Finn can handle.
“I think I’ve gotta go get her,” he says.
I want to go get her too, but it’s fun to tease him, anyway.
“You know, there’s a whole theory about letting babies cry it out,” I say, grinning.
He bristles, pulling away from me. “What kind of a monster would subscribe to that?”
I laugh. “I don’t know. Not me. Go get her.”
“Thank God,” he says. “I was starting to question you as a person. Not sure we can go through with this marriage if we’re not gonna agree on basic level shit.”
He smiles at me as he slides on a pair of shorts from the floor. I climb out of bed and find one of Finn’s T-shirts and put it on. By the time I’m back under the blankets, I can hear him on the monitor. He speaks softly to Sunny, and she instantly quiets.
That makes my heart swell.
He changes her diaper, singing her a nonsensical song that I’ve learned is his thing. Listening to him sing to her might be the sweetest thing I’ve ever experienced, and I have no idea what to do with that.
“Here’s your auntie Poppy,” Finn says softly, carrying Sunny into the room.
“Pop,” she says, rubbing her eyes with the backs of her hands.
“Hey, baby,” I say, holding my arms out for her. She falls into them and snuggles into my shoulder.
The feeling of her little body against mine, trusting me and loving me, makes a lump form in my throat. What a precious little girl.
“Mama?” she asks. “Want Mama.”
“I know,” I say, patting her back. “She’ll be here soon.”
“No.”
I grin at Finn as he slips into bed beside us. “Mama will be here in a little while. Why don’t you lie down with Auntie Pop and Uncle Finn? Let’s go back to sleep, okay?”
“No,” she says, popping the pacifier that Branch and Layla have argued about her having into her mouth and closing her little eyes.
Finn lies on his side, propping his head up with his hand. “Want me to take her to the living room so you can get some sleep?”
I watch as Sunny reaches for Finn’s finger, wrapping her whole hand around it.
Something warm and achy spreads through my chest. For a second, I wish I could freeze us right here. Like this. Just the three of us, in the darkness, with no distractions or complications.
“You have to work tomorrow,” I say. “Maybe I should take her to the couch.”
Embarrassment colors my cheeks that I didn’t think of this before he did. It was the first thing that came to his mind. He was thinking about Sunny and me before he thought of himself.
Finn presses a kiss to my forehead. “If you think for a second that I’d willingly let you out of this bed, you’re out of your fucking mind.”
“But you just said that you would.”
“Yeah, if you needed me to get up for any reason, I would. But there’s absolutely no way I need you to.” A shy smile teases his lips. “Pop, this is what I’ve wanted for a long time—and I don’t just mean you in my bed.”
His words wrap around me, comforting and terrifying me at the same time. But it’s a different version of fear than I’m used to. I’m not worried that he’s misunderstanding what we are or that we’re crossing a boundary we can’t see. I’m scared because a part of me wants him to fight to keep me here, regardless of how unequipped I might be for a life like this—or the danger of him seeing me for who I really am.