Page 142 of These Wicked Hearts

I look at my friends. “I want him exposed.” I’ve been through every plan I can think of and I’m ready to do this. “He thinks I’ll stay quiet. He thinks I won’t tell you. He knows you guys have always been my priority.” I shake my head. “He believes he owns us and anything we create, but the music is ours. Those are our lyrics, our voices. Not his. Even if he gave us the shot, the music is still ours. The label connections, the contracts, the money, I don’t fucking care about it, but I wasn’t going to take that choice away from you guys.”

“Fuck the money,” Chen practically growls.

I look at Declan and Jesper, and while I know money isn’t the only issue at hand, I hope they agree. “This is going to be the death of our career.”

Jesper looks at Declan, giving him a soft smile. “Then let it burn.”

“So, what’s the plan?” Chen asks. “I’m still open to a tiny little murder. Just a little. I promise, no one will barely even notice it.”

I laugh and it feels so fucking good. I feel so empty in the best way imaginable. “I want to throw a party.” They look at me. “Celebrating our tour. I already told Jim about it. He thinks we’ll be in costume.”

“And we won’t?”

I shake my head. “We’ll come as we are, as we’ve always been. Four former foster kids who’ve had dreams bigger than the circumstances around us allowed. We’ll invite a bunch of people in our company, and I’ll expose him publicly.”

“You want to do it publicly?”

I nod. I’ve thought a lot about it. “I’ll be honest, though. I don’t know if I hold much faith that he’ll be fired or even arrested. But I want everyone around him to see who he is. I want to expose him.” I take out my phone. “I’m going to tell everybody.” My eyes slide to Chen, who seems to be thinking. “What?”

“You sure I can’t kill him?” He pinches his fingers together. “Just a tiny little murder. I promise, I’ll be discreet.”

“No. I’d rather not have you go to prison. But thank you.”

“This could go bad fast,” Declan says.

“I know.”

“He’ll deny it,” Jesper says.

“I know.

“They’ll swarm us online, and every tabloid will plaster our faces everywhere. The press will⁠—”

“I know.” I press my hands against my eyes, taking a breath. “I’ve thought of every possible scenario. I don’t want this to happen to anyone else. I can’t let it happen anymore, and if there’s a chance I can stop it, I’m taking it. I can figure out how to do that alone⁠—”

“Fuck that,” Chen yells. “We’re in this together.”

I look at Jesper and Declan as they nod.

I look at my friends, and for the first time in so long, I don’t feel alone in this. Jesper stands, followed by Declan. They hug around me, squeezing me hard. “I’m so sorry.”

They squeeze harder. “We’ve got you,” Chen whispers, pressing a kiss against my head, and we stand like that for a moment while I let their strength seep into me. I can’t change the past. I can only fight for my future.

It’s taken me a while to realize that I don’t have to do this alone.

My friends let me go one by one.

“So . . .” Declan smiles. “What’s the plan?”

It’s like my confession drained the life out of me. My friends stayed with me all day yesterday. I think they were afraid to leave me alone, but I didn’t lie to them. I’m done lying to people. I don’t want to take my life. I want to live. And not just live. I want to enjoy it. I want to write music without people breathing down my neck and criticizing everything I do. I want to love the music again.

I think about that guy in the comic store. Chen may have been pissed, but he was right. Our fans ride hard for us, but I know there’s been a shift. Our music lately has felt hollow, but that’s what happens when the person who writes it feels hollow. I may as well have been a robot. I don’t want to live like that anymore.

I want to be happy, which brings me to my other problem.

Atlas.

He doesn’t have a game tonight, but I’m really not sure how practice works. He is gone a lot, though, and I hope he’s gone now. I can’t see him. Not yet. I haven’t gotten his haunted look out of my mind.