Page 143 of These Wicked Hearts

He played aggressively the other night. Way more brutal than the soft man I’ve come to know. A man who owns my whole heart. I take the paper and shove it under his door. I said he was nobody when it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Atlas is everything to me.

With my confession came realization. I love him. I love him so much I can’t stand it. I thought it might be obsession, great sex, but that’s not what’s left me wanting more. It’s him. The goofy, the unserious, nerdy, and yeah, even the sad. I want all of him. I want him so badly.

I only have a few days left before my life implodes, and I can’t wait.

I slide the invitation under his door. As I crouch, I think about whether I should knock. No, not yet. I will then, after, but not right now. I stand and turn, then freeze.

Atlas stands next to a man I remember. His friend and teammate Knox. The screaming one at our show. I blink at them both and stand slowly. I don’t know what to say. I did not practice for this. I open my mouth and close it.

“Gage—”

I turn away and walk down the hall, fast, ignoring him when he says my name a couple more times. I’m not ready to face him. Not yet.

I turn down the hall and find the elevator, pressing the buttons desperately. Finally, the stupid thing opens and I step through, then the door closes slowly behind me. I hear footsteps, then see him through the sliver of the elevator door as it closes.

A few more days.

Then it’ll all be over. For better or worse.

THIRTY-FOUR

Atlas

I walk slowly back to my apartment, trying so hard not to let this get the best of me again. I look up, and I forgot Knox is with me until I see him standing at my door. “What was that about?”

I shake my head, unlocking the door and stepping inside, when I feel something beneath my feet.

I bend to pick it up, looking at the paper.

I read it, my confusion only growing. What the hell?

Riot Heart End of Tour Celebration.

What the hell is this? Whatever it is, it’s at nine on Saturday down at Ruby’s. “Whoa, what the hell is this? Riot Heart?” Knox looks over my shoulder to read it then takes the invitation from my hands. “Atlas, what is this?”

I look at Knox, my mind reeling. Gage just slipped that under my door. He wants me there, right? Why, though? I’m nothing. He said it himself.

I think about Chen’s visit and the song. I’m something, and I don’t think that’s nothing. I’m just not sure if we’re strangers, friends, or maybe something more.

The way he looked hearing that man’s voice, and the way he looked at me right before he opened the door . . . I don’t want to believe I’m nothing. “Atlas?”

I look at Knox. “Um . . .” Then I look down at the invite. Knox snatches it from my hands.

His eyes widen. “Why do you have an invite like this? To a Riot Heart event?!” I open my mouth to answer. “Oh my god, I know!” He glares. “You fell in love with their music too, didn’t you?! What is this? Some secret membership I don’t know about! Not cool, man. I introduced you to them.”

“Do you hear yourself?” I snatch the paper back, looking at it. We don’t have a game on Saturday. Part of me wonders if that’s why it’s that night. I don’t want to go alone, though. I look at Knox and decide to tell him. I know he won’t tell anyone.

“If I tell you something, you have to promise not to freak out.”

“I wouldn’t freak out,” he scoffs. “Seriously, it’s like you don’t know me at all.” He folds his thick arms in front of his chest. “Go ahead. Tell me. I’ll show you how cool I am.”

I nod. “You know Gage?”

“Yeah.”

I nod. “Well, we’ve been hooking up for months now.”