Page 30 of Midnight Ink

“I forgive you.” He lets me go.

I shake my head, smiling gratefully. “I appreciate that, but I need to deal with this.” I look at Anna. “This week I’m going to fly to Puerto Rico, and I’m going to spread his ashes in Isabela.” I’m taking the trip he wanted to. “I’m going to book a flight, and on the eighth that’s what I’m going to do.”

“All alone?” Anna asks.

“No.” I swallow. “I have some money set aside. I want to know if you both want to come with me. I’ll cover the costs.” I look at Anna. “I know it makes your skin crawl when I talk about it, but he was your friend too. He was your best friend. Your family. You should be there.”

“And me?” Julian asks.

“I want you there, Julian. I would love for you to be there.”

Anna nods, taking this in. “Okay. Give me the information and I’ll book our flights,” she says. “I’ll find a hotel.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I smile gratefully. “We need a break and I need to reevaluate how we do things here. Something has to change, but I also need to be comfortable with that change. We need to figure out something that works for us all.”

Anna hops up from the chair. “Send me your information and I’ll get everything set up.”

“Thank you.” She gives me a short hug before she’s out the door. I can tell she’s getting a little itchy from all the emotion. She’s not good with it.

I turn to Julian in the silence she’s left us in.

“You want to go get something to eat?”

I grab my chopsticks and pop an eel roll into my mouth. “Fuck, I love sushi.”

Julian smiles, quietly eating his mango roll. I know Julian isn’t a fan of seafood, but he also knows I love nothing the way I love sushi.

“I’m surprised you can look at fish right now.”

“It was really bad yesterday. Thank you for taking care of me. I appreciate you so much.”

He’s quiet, focused on his food. I don’t like the stilted silence. I know he’s still upset, and I hate to burden him. The thing is, I can run myself into the ground no problem. I don’t care. I’ll get the job done. But I don’t want that for Julian. I don’t want him stressed or overworked.

“You scared me,” he says quietly, his soft brown eyes lifting to mine. “I thought—” He shakes his head. “Seeing you like that scared me, Ian.”

I set my chopsticks down and grab his free hand, squeezing it in mine. “I’m really sorry, and I know that’s not good enough. I’ll never put you in that position again. It was wrong, I wasn’t thinking. I can’t imagine how scary it was for you.” I squeeze his fingers before he slips them out of mine. “I was so focused on myself, but I forgot it’s not just me. You’re working like crazy, and I’m just pushing and pushing.”

“No, Ian, you’re not, that’s the thing. I’m choosing to take on more clients because you keep pushing yourself. You may not care, but I do. I won’t let you do any of this alone. Your burdens are my burdens, but we need to think about things, okay? We can’t keep going at this pace. My back alone is screaming for a break.”

“Well, you are a lot older than me.”

“Oh, fuck you.” I laugh as the tension eases. “I’m thirty-four.”

With that the air around us seems to soften and I can breathe a bit easier. “Like you said, it’s a cool fucking job.” Julian’s eyes drop down to his sushi as he grabs an avocado roll. “We didn’t have to get sushi.”

“It’s fine,” he says with an avocado roll tucked into his cheek. “If you wanted it, I was going to get it for you.”

“You spoil me.”

“No, I fucking love you, Ian.” My eyes blink fast at that. “You’re my best fucking friend, and seeing you like this hurts me. I know I didn’t know him, but I know you.” He smiles sadly. “I can’t keep watching you break down. It’s killing me, because I don’t know what more I can do for you. I feel helpless.”

I let that sit between us as we quietly eat. “You know I love you too, and I can’t do this without you, Jules. The shop wouldn’t be the same. It’s your shop too.” He stares at his plate, and I just want to take this stress off him. He doesn’t do well with it.

Looks like I don’t either.

I take our containers and hop off the ledge where we’re sitting on the roof. I set them on the table and watch as he swings his legs over the side, letting them dangle. Our awning is right below, which eases some of my anxiety as I sit back down and copy him.

Our fingers nearly touch as we sit on this ledge, and I let the quiet bleed between us while my thoughts can’t stop rotating like a Ferris wheel. Something has to change. Julian’s right. This isn’t sustainable. We need help. We need a break.