Page 15 of Matched By the Dragon

“If this is healing…” Brad shook his head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t feel like healing. Don’t get me wrong. Like when I’m with the kids and no one’s around I’m calm. Well, calmer. I actually relax. I still worry about all the normal new parent stuff. Plus, someone trying to take them.”

“Which would be a concerning worry if one of them wasn’t literally kidnapped as soon as he was born,” I said.

“I know. I just… I hate that I have to worry about it. I hate that they were able to break my brain so thoroughly. This could be forever. Do you really want to build a life with someone who might be like this forever? Like do you want to risk having kids with me if this is going to be my whole life?”

“I met Star because I stepped off a cliff on purpose.” The words bungee jumped off my tongue before I had time to think about it. “Liza was gone. Except she wasn’t. She was everywhere. She was gone and nothing felt okay. Forget good. It wasn’t even sort of okay. So, I did it. I looked down and just stepped right off the cliff. Star was there. I don’t know why or how or if it was just some weird coincidence, but he was there and he snatched me out of the air. I’m not trying to put this on you. I don’t want pity. I just want you to know that you’re not the only one who maybe lost a bit of his mind. So, I came here and it’s gotten easier. I still miss her but it’s different here. She’s never been here. You’re here. The kids are here…” I didn’t know what else to say. I hadn’t planned on ever telling him about that day unless the claiming vows forced me to.

“Does Raziel know?” Brad asked slowly.

“I don’t think so. I don’t think Star told anyone.”

“I… I thought maybe that’s why he meddled and…” Brad’s eyes were quickly misting over.

I wanted to tell him not to cry, but that felt cruel.

“I don’t want you to walk off a cliff,” he said a second later. “I… I know I’m not really mate material and I’m not that welcoming and I’m obsessed with my cubs but…”

“I,” I stopped and let out a long breath. “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to put more on you. I don’t think for a second you want me to walk off a cliff. Hell, I don’t even want me to walk off a cliff anymore.” I didn’t realize how true the words were until they escaped my mouth. “I want to be here with you and the babies for as long as you’ll have me. And at the risk of sounding like some cliché, I do think you’re mate material. Mate material isn’t about romping around or being some idealistic ‘couple goals.’ It’s about being able to make it work when things are difficult and if this doesn’t count as a difficult time I don’t know what does, Brad. Jac was murdered. Liza died a slow death. Your parents literally kidnapped one of your babies and sent you out to kill someone while you were hemorrhaging.”

“And you stepped off a cliff,” Brad nodded.

“Mate, I think all things considered, we’re doing just fine,” I laughed because it all felt a little ridiculous. Like how was this real life? How was this really happening to us?

“I… I don’t know,” he said. “I know we’re alive and the kids are healthy but what about the panic attacks?”

“Okay. I am not a therapist, but your parents have only been dead for six months. I know you didn’t live with them for your whole life, but you had to put up with them that long. It’s only been six months since you’ve had your babies and everything happened. Six months is not that long while you’re also adjusting to being a parent and you were a single parent for most of that.”

“Are you staying out of obligation to the true-mate response or because you like me? And I know that sounds like the same things with the true-mate response, but it’s not.”

“No, I get it. At first, I stayed because of the true-mate response. That and when you told me you had received a death threat already, I wanted to go to Moonscale London and break a man out of jail just to hack him into little pieces and show him what a threat really was. Now, I’m here because I like living with you and the babies. I like our routines and how you conk out so hard when I sleep in the bedroom. Maybe it’s not the most romantic thing in the universe for those to be the things that I love, but they’re the things.”

“I think it’s romantic,” Brad said, bumping my leg with his bare foot. “I think that it’s those little moments that make life romantic. I mean, we’re living at a pretty secluded estate. Raziel calls it gothic even. You show up with a delivery and nearly get beaten to a pulp and you still stay. At least three people died in the house, including my previous lover and my parents. Like, we’re a mysterious romantic couple trying to figure out if the ghosts are real or just all in our heads.”

“Liza is in my head,” I sighed. “I have to think she is because I’d like to think that she was at peace with the world when she died and she’s either moved on already or is finally getting some well-deserved rest.”

“Jac too. Though, I sort of hope that Frost lets him kick my sire in the balls like once a day or something,” he said, glancing down to ensure Baby Oaklan was as asleep as Baby Resin. Both bear cubs were blissfully out cold.

I would’ve leaned over the table and kissed him if we weren’t holding his beautiful babies, but maybe it was for the best that we couldn’t jump into bed together after one moment of real connection. Instead, I reached out across the table for his hand and he gave it to me. His hand was warm and cozy against mine. Sure, we were never going to have the whirlwind romance that some true-mates did, but hadn’t the wind whipped us enough for one lifetime? Maybe we needed the smooth gentle sail into our relationship more than either of us needed to get laid.

Chapter 5

Brad

The Hemlock Wolf Pack, Star’s Territory

After Durin’s confession about walking off a cliff, I felt selfish for a while. I knew losing Liza had hurt him, but in my days of hazy panic I never in a million years would’ve thought that he’d have been that desperate and hurt. A few days after his confession, I let him watch the kids during my therapy session when he offered. It was a lot easier to talk to my therapist locked away in my little accounting room than it was with the cubs rolling around and gnawing on me because they thought I wasn’t paying enough attention to them.

“Does this affect how you see him in relation to eventually being the second full-time parent to your cubs?” Gramble asked, pushing his glasses up his nose. He was a bear shifter too. His office was just downtown but teleappointments were easier for me to keep. He had dark hair, peppered with grey here and there, showing his years of experience.

“Yes, but not in the bad way.” I nodded. “I… first, I have to say, I don’t think he’s still suicidal. I know that people can be suicidal and not look or act like it but…”

“Their smell doesn’t lie?” Gramble offered.

“Exactly. I mean, he was lost when he showed up but lost isn’t suicidal. I even get why he didn’t tell me straight away. That’s not a story he ‘owes’ to anyone. Not even me. Grief is a bastard and he doesn’t go away and don’t give me some line about grief is love that lost its home or some shit like that. Grief is a bastard and he never leaves. He might shrink to a pin drop until something wakes him up, but he doesn’t leave. As for Durin and the babies, I think I trust him more. If he wasn’t planning on staying why go through all the trouble to tell me that? Why go through the trouble to stay and play house even though we’re not sleeping together? I don’t know. Maybe he’ll make dramatic friends or something, but when I see him holding or interacting with the kids it feels right. Sure, it still feels like Jac should be here with them too. It’ll always feel like that I’m guessing, but he was their sire and I believe with every fiber of my being he wanted to be around for them. My parents stole that from him and I hate them. I’ll probably always hate them and that’s my biggest fear right behind someone hurting Resin and Oaklan.”

“That you’ll hate your parents forever?” Gramble asked.

“No, that I’ll mess up in some way and my kids will grow up and hate me forever,” I said, my eyes misting over.