Page 16 of Matched By the Dragon

“I’m not saying that it’s impossible, but I don’t think it’s plausible. I think you’ll have to balance protecting them and letting them shape into little independent people when they get older, but I think you’ll make it work. I think you’ve accepted that your trauma wasn’t your fault, but now however unfair it is, you’re the one who has to work on healing it and I think you will. I think the train of generational trauma will stop with you.”

“I hope so,” I sighed.

“I’m not saying that it’ll be easy. I’m just saying I think it’s possible.”

“I need your help with something else that isn’t kid or trauma related exactly,” I said, shifting in my seat trying to sound casual.

“Okay. Tell me about it,” Gramble sat back in his chair, toying with a pencil between his fingers. The fact that he fidgeted with little things between his fingers while we talked made him feel more real. Sure, he was a professional, but he was also just a bear shifter like I was.

“So, last time I told you that Durin was sleeping in the bedroom in his bear form on the floor?”

“Yes, we spoke briefly the day of your panic attack. So, I remember,” he nodded.

“Okay. So, what if I’m ready for him to sleep in the bed with me but only if he’s ready? And I only want it to be sleep?” I asked. The questions tumbled off my tongue before I lost my nerve.

“I’d just tell him if I were you. Communication is going to be key in every step of the process.”

“I know that but how do I tell him I’d like him to sleep in the bed but just sleep in the bed?” I asked, fighting the urge to bite my nails.

“Well, the kids are still sleeping in your room, right?” Gramble asked

“Of course,” I nodded.

“Well, I’d make sure to say the invitation is sleep only, but with the babies in the room that should be a given,” Gramble said. “I know given your past with alphas you know we’re a mixed bag, but I think Durin would get it. If you need to make a longer speech about it and lay out an outline and a plan do it. Is it trauma? Is it your protective instincts in overdrive? Honestly, I don’t know that we can separate those things out. Evolution gave bears and bear shifters a lot of lessons. Generations of bears learning what threats were and passing them onto their offspring have made parents and especially carriers cautious of many things. In some ways, the lessons our ancestors learned the hard way, we’re ‘trauma’ programmed for. Like don’t touch fire, it’s hot. I know you’ve talked in circles about what might be the root cause, but I think if you can move away from what the label is and take each problem as they come it might get easier. Not that putting a halt to the investigation of a mystery is easy but the doctor says your blood work is perfect.”

“So, you’re telling me to ramble at my mate?” I asked, arching a brow high.

“Absolutely. I think you’re the sort of person who needs to talk things out and I could be wrong, but since he is your true-mate, I’m ninety-five percent sure, he’ll be receptive to it. I mean, especially with this. You’re saying, I’m ready to trust you to sleep next to me at night. Sure, he may tell you he’s not ready and you’ll have to accept that, but in my experience an alpha doesn’t sleep on the floor of a room because he wants space from his mate. It’s more of a way to be as close as he can within your boundaries.”

“Thus the progression from sleeping outside the door to sleeping in the bedroom,” I nodded. “That’s why I like you. You don’t just pick me apart. You’re willing to explain how you see the actions of others and sometimes that makes them more tolerable. It makes me want to eat them or run away less too.”

“That’s my job. My grandfather didn’t survive the War of the Wildlands for me not to study shifter nature and use it to help as many people as possible, Brad. There is still a gap in communication and relationship education. I believe, personally, that’s the gap I fill in. I can’t erase your past but I can help you navigate the world in a way that you can engage in the healthy relationships that you choose to be part of.”

“Thanks,” I grinned. “Your grandpa survived the War of the Wildlands….”

“Yeah, he’s still alive. He wasn’t a spring chicken then, but he’s still spry. My dad about shit a brick when he said he was joining the fight.”

“Now, you want to go ten minutes early and talk to him, right?” Gramble smiled back at me.

“Would you mind?” I asked, leaning forward on my chair.

“It’s your session. You call the shots.”

“Same time next week?” I asked.

“Always,” he nodded.

“Thanks again.” I said and ended the video call.

My bear was ready to barrel downstairs, but I didn’t want to scare the babies. So, I made myself walk slower than my usual pace. I didn’t want to blurt out the words in a long line of inaudible syllables and have to repeat myself.

“Hey,” Durin grinned up at me when I finally made it to the living room. He was stretched out on the floor with a cub asleep on either side of him.

“Hey,” I said, sitting down on the edge of the blanket. He was wearing basketball shorts, and I let my toes brush his calf on purpose. “I wanted to ask you about something, but I don’t want you to feel pressured or disappointed and I know you can’t help how you feel because emotions can be stupid.”

“Okay,” he said slowly, his grin dropping a little bit.

“I think, no, I know, I’m ready for you to sleep in the bed with me, but I only want you to if you’re ready and you understand that it’s an invitation to sleep and not an invitation to romp yet. Oh, my gods. I literally just added yet and I didn’t mean to but…”