Page 90 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

“Not at all,” Elizabeth said. “But you may admire it before deciding how you would improve it.”

After that, Kitty became much more willing to be pleased. She carried the issue to Darcy, who congratulated her very properly, and then to Richard, who said that he hoped we should all continue to deserve her services now that she was becoming distinguished.

She told him that gentlemen were not yet required to apply for her assistance, but that she would remember him if the occasion arose.

Darling attempted to settle upon the open pages while Kitty was showing them to me again. For once, she was removed without any hesitation whatever.

We also had a letter from Mary, who certainly appears to be settling very happily into her new home. Her stillroom table has been moved nearer the window, and she is entirely satisfied with the result. Christopher apparently assisted in determining its position, though Mary writes that he was chiefly concerned that she should leave herself sufficient room to get past it.

She has been sitting with him in the library in the evenings, as she hoped to do. He reads while she writes or sews, and sometimes reads aloud when he comes to a passage which he thinks will interest her. She says that she has discovered she must not ask him a question just as he reaches the bottom of a page, for he invariably wishes to finish the next one before answering.

I could almost see them.

Mary wished for news of everybody, and particularly asked whether Kitty had heard anything further about her drawing. Kitty has begun an answer already.

I am glad that Mary thought to ask. There is so much pleasure in having good news to tell somebody who will be glad of it.

6 November

I have spoken to Elizabeth about Mr Byerly.

I had not intended to do so today. We were sitting together after luncheon, and she asked whether I wished to accept an invitation for later in the week. Mr Byerly had mentioned that he expected to be there.

I said that I did not particularly wish to go.

Lizzy put down the note and looked closely at me. “Are you tired, Anne, or is there another reason?”

I might easily have said that I was tired. Instead, I told her that I was becoming rather tired of hearing about Rosings.

She did not laugh, as I had half expected. She asked what he had said.

Once I began, I found that I had a great deal to tell her. I described his plans for company, his assurances that I should soon become accustomed to receiving it, and what he had said when I ventured to admit to him that I had not been happy there.

“He meant to encourage me, I suppose,” I said. “But I had scarcely finished speaking before he had decided there was nothing to trouble me.”

“I can understand your being vexed,” Elizabeth said.

I was relieved that she did not immediately explain why I ought not to be.

I told her, too, what Richard had said in August. Mr Byerly had no estate of his own. He wished to purchase one, and Richard had thought I might have some voice in choosing it. I had allowed myself to imagine a house which would suit me, with a garden I could enjoy and rooms in which I should feel comfortable.

“Now he seems to like Rosings better than anything he might buy,” I said. “And I cannot even be surprised. Everybody thinks it so very fine.”

“It is fine,” Elizabeth answered. “That does not oblige you to wish to live there.”

I looked at her. “I thought you might consider me foolish. You are so happy at Pemberley.”

“I am. But you have helped me with enough of its business to know what being mistress of such a great house involves. I cannot teach you to consider such things and then object because you have considered them.”

That made me smile.

We talked for some time. She did not tell me whether I ought to marry Mr Byerly, nor suggest that affection would certainly grow if I persevered. I was grateful for that. I like him, and have enjoyed his company, but I cannot promise to enjoy a life merely because he thinks I should. As for Rosings, I have been waiting for some other circumstance to make disposing of it seem sensible to everybody else.

She asked what I should wish to do about Rosings if Mr Byerly were not in the question at all.

I had very little difficulty answering. “I wish to sell it.”

Elizabeth did not look surprised by this. “I understand that may be possible,” she said, “as it is not entailed. But you will need your trustees’ agreement – both of them. And while I think neither of them will deny you, I do think they will both likely caution you to wait, to be certain. Such a sale is not something that can be undone once it is completed, and Rosings is your legacy from your father.”