Page 89 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

My cake was still upon the plate when he went away. I ate it then, but I should have enjoyed it more had I been permitted to eat it without thinking about it.

2 November

I was quite glad of Miss Bingley’s company this evening.

This is not something I had expected to write.

Jane took us to a party, Elizabeth having preferred to remain at home. Georgiana had been looking forward to hearing a lady whom she had met earlier in the week play the harp, and Kitty wished to see a gown which had been described to her in considerable detail. I had no particular object beyond being agreeable and not keeping Jane out later than she wished.

Mr Byerly joined me soon after we arrived. He asked whether I had finished the book we discussed last week, and I was pleased to be able to tell him that I had. We talked of it for a little while, and I began to hope that we might pass an evening without mentioning Rosings.

Then Miss Bingley asked about his visit.

I cannot blame her. She could not have known how much I had already heard of it.

He was soon describing the house, and she listened with an interest I should have found difficult to imitate even if he had been describing a house entirely unfamiliar to me. She asked about the rooms, the number of people who might be accommodated, and whether there was sufficient space for dancing when a large company was assembled.

Mr Byerly appealed to me concerning the last point. I answered as well as I could, and Caroline began to discuss where refreshments might most conveniently be served.

There was nothing foolish in what she said. She appeared to have considered a great many things which would never have occurred to me, including the inconvenience of obliging guests to pass through a crowded room merely to obtain a glass of something to drink.

Mr Byerly listened closely.

Caroline looked particularly well when she was interested in the conversation rather than watching to discover whether he attended to her. She smiled quite naturally, and he smiled in return.

I ought perhaps to have felt neglected. Instead, I began to look about for Georgiana or Kitty, wondering if I might be able to make my escape from the conversation.

When the music was about to begin, Mr Byerly offered to find me a seat. Caroline’s expression darkened a little, her smile becoming strained, and I felt sorry for her again.

Yet I had also been sorry to see their conversation end. She had enjoyed talking of precisely those things which have begun to make me uneasy.

I cannot think that she would need to persuade herself to like the prospect of presiding over Rosings.

4 November

Kitty’s drawing has been published.

The November issue arrived this morning, and she turned the pages so carefully that I thought we should never reach the right one. Then she stopped, and we all crowded round her chair.

I recognised the gown at once.

It was very strange to see it there, amongst things made by people we do not know. I remembered Kitty sitting upon the terrace with her sketchbook, and my own arm beginning to ache while she considered what happened to a sleeve when I bent over my rose.

“The cuff is a little different,” she said at last.

Elizabeth leaned forward to look.

“Is it?”

“Here.” Kitty pointed. “That fold ought not to lie quite so.”

Georgiana examined it seriously, then said that she thought it looked very pretty nevertheless.

“So do I,” I added. “And I should still like to wear it.”

Kitty looked from the page to us, and began to laugh.

“I am being very ungrateful, am I not?”