Page 36 of Nothing to Lose

“I still sleep with a stuffed green dinosaur.”

“I changed majors because of a girl I was pursuing.”

“I matched with my cousin on a dating app.”

“I stalked my girlfriend before we got together and she has no idea that I made everything happen so we could be together.”

“I have a spreadsheet ranking everyone I’ve ever dated or hooked up with in different areas.”

“I’m sleeping with one of my professors,” Gabriel reads.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Coach mutters under his breath. At least we’re all adults, and it’s legal, but that has got to be breaking about a dozen codes of conduct. I cringe. There’s no way Coach had this in mind when he told us all to write down our darkest secrets. We’re college students, what was he expecting? Probably not the sleeping with a professor so much, but the others are pretty jaw-dropping as well.

I bounce my knee, looking up and asking the universe to drop an asteroid, a tornado, fucking anything to get me out of this. That’s when Hunter bumps my knee with his, leaning into it.

“You okay? You look pale.” I shake my head slightly, not even sure what to say. Instead, Hunter slides his yellow sticky note across the grass between us, eyes flicking down to mine. Is he serious? He has no idea what my confession is, and he’s willing to switch with me? My heart flips, and tears prick my eyes. I take his and pass him mine, his warm fingers brushing against mine in the process. My heart tightens in my chest like it’s wrapped in a vise. I have to keep the tears at bay, clearing my throat and trying to pull my shit together.

While Dean is reading his, I unfold Hunter’s, reading it in my head and nearly choking on my tongue. Leave it to Hunter.

“Eli, your turn,” Coach says, and I clear my throat again.

“Well, wasn’t exactly planning on sharing this with you all tonight, but I listen to The Greatest Showman soundtrack when I work out.”

There’s a bunch of laughs and eyerolls, then Hunter adds, “‘The Other Side’ is a real banger.” I laugh and nod. Then he’s unrolling mine, swallowing hard. Nausea rolls through me, and I swear, I could fucking puke right now. Or pass out. My fingers itch to take it back from him, to save him from doing this. But when he reads it in his head first, he smiles. It’s so fucking faint, but I know it’s there, and my heart settles.

“I’m in love with a man, and no one even knows I’m gay.” I hold my breath, not willing to look away from his face as he nods, slowly folding the paper back up and slipping his hands through the front pocket of his hoodie. No one says anything, but even if they did, I don’t know if it would register for me. My focus is only on Hunter. I can’t believe he just saved me from that. And now he knows both my secrets.

Everyone continues around the circle, voices sharing their confessions, their deepest, darkest secrets, and it’s made me realize how absolutely human we all are. I’ve been so worried about how everyone will judge me, what I could lose by openly being myself, when I was already losing everything by continuing to be the person they created for me.

It’s not long after the fire that everyone starts to drop off one by one, Hunter and I included. The moment I’m finished zipping up our tent, I turn to face him. He’s sitting with his knees up, forearms resting on the top. Of all the times silence has stretched between us, it’s never felt like it does right now. This time, it’s charged. I don’t know where his head is at, or how he’s feeling. But I do know that everything just fucking changed.

Taking a few steps forward, I erase the space between us, not stopping until I’m standing directly over him, squatting down so I’m straddling his body. His hands welcome me, rubbing over my hips and settling around my waist.

I pull his head backward so he has to look at me, the man looking back at me no longer that cocky, confident guy I’ve fallen for. He’s been there for me, time and time again, and now it’s my turn to be there for him.

“How are you feeling?”

“Honestly? Free. Like I had been wearing a mask that was slowly suffocating me, and now I can breathe.”

“You deserve that, Hunter. Thank you. For what you did back there. You didn’t have to but . . . just thank you.” I brush my fingers over the fine hairs at his temple before cupping his face. I want that cocky asshole back; I want his spark back. I need to give him something to feel confident about. Tilting his head back farther, I slowly close the distance between us, my lips descending on his. I’m slow, not rushing or frantic, kissing him with every bit of emotion he pulls from me, wanting him to feel just how much he’s come to mean to me.

I kiss him like I’d die without him. Like he’s the most important man in the world. I kiss him like he’s my lifeline, and I’m his, and while all this time, I’ve been able to depend on him, even if I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I kiss him to show him he can depend on me, too.

Our mouths meld and mold together, his tongue meeting mine in the middle. He tastes so good, and I can’t get enough. I break our kiss long enough to pull off his shirt, then he reaches for mine, lifting it over my head. My hands explore his chest, running over the defined pecks, his shoulders and biceps. “You’re so fucking beautiful. I’m obsessed with your body, Hunt. It’s fucking perfect. You’re perfect.” Hunter’s eyes glaze over as he pulls my body closer to him, his hard dick rubbing against the end of the plug I put in earlier. I lean back down, wanting his mouth on mine, loving how he tastes and the way his lips move against mine. My fingers tease and pinch his nipples, his hips starting to slowly gyrate against me. His cock is throbbing between my legs, and I’m eager to see his reaction to the little gift I have in.

“I want you, baby, let me sink down on that dick,” I whisper against his neck as I suck and nibble at his flesh. The hands on my hips yank me back, and I’m forced to meet his eyes. It’s the first time I’ve called him that, and I know he’s taking a minute to digest it.

“In here?”

“Yeah?”

“With our entire team out there?”

“I need you. And I think you need me, too. So yeah, fuck everything outside of this tent. Right now, I want you inside me. And I want to make us feel good.”

“Okay, baby boy.” He nods. He lifts me off his lap as he pulls down his shorts, kicking them off. Then he reaches for mine, and I let him drag them down my legs. “Bend over, let me get you ready for me.” Fuck, yes. This is what I was hoping for. I turn around on all fours, spreading my legs slightly so he has room to get between them.

Hunter’s hands smooth down my spine, running over the globes of my ass and squeezing before spreading them apart. Then he freezes, a low, rumbling growl vibrating through his chest. Shivers tremble through me as his fingers glide over the base of the plug.