Page 35 of Nothing to Lose

Eli drops down in front of the fence and opens his backpack, pulling out some rope. My mouth falls open as I watch him toss it over the edge, pulling slowly until a huge knot at the end catches at the top of the fence.

“Holy shit, you’re fucking MacGyver.”

“Who’s that?”

My head bounces back like he struck me. “Who’s that? Who’s MacGyver? Do you live under a rock?”

Eli laughs. “Uh, no. Who is he?”

“Jesus Christ. We have so much to catch you up on. He’s from a popular TV show in the eighties. He was good at . . . you know what? Never mind. Get us out of here.”

“Thank you,” Eli says with a laugh. Fucker.

After hauling our asses over the fence, we race through campus, ravens seemingly following us the entire way. People are still racing around, and I suddenly get nervous. I really want to win this for Eli. It’s been such a good weekend, and even though we had fun today together, I want it to end on a high note. I want Coach to be proud of him, the team to come together behind him. He deserves to lead this team next year, and I’d happily follow him.

The team clubhouse comes into view just past the athletic building, and Eli slaps his hand against my stomach. “Beat you there!” He takes off the next moment, and I only need a split second before I give in to the chase. Fuck, what I wouldn’t give to be able to chase him through the woods and fuck him into the ground. The thought alone has my cock perking up with excitement, not realizing that we’re definitely not doing that. Right now, it’s just a little competitive race to see who’s faster.

Eli’s legs pump, the strong muscles propelling him forward. He’s quick, but I’m right on his tail. “Better pick it up, little brother. You don’t want to find out what happens when I catch you.”

“You wish!” And then he bolts, putting more and more distance between us. I’m equally annoyed and proud at the same time. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be able to catch him in the woods, especially when he knows that once I did, his ass would be mine. Literally.

We come to a quick stop at the team clubhouse, everyone already there.

“How many?” Silas yells.

“All three!” Eli and I shout in unison. Everyone around us erupts in cheers, like they already had the other team’s numbers and were just waiting on ours.

“Fuck, yeah!” Everyone whoops and cheers, and I pat Eli on the back. “Good job, you did good,” I tell him. His face brightens, his smile so fucking full. This is how it’s supposed to be.

Easy. Happy. Everything else needs to fuck off.

Chapter 21

Eli

I’m riding the high of the day and the win as we finish setting up our tents for the night. Coach is with us, preparing a fire, and I’m ready to unwind in front of it. After we found out we won the scavenger hunt, we all hung out and shared stories about what we had to find and the wild ways everyone went about getting them. Then I ran back up to the door room to shower and add a little accessory to my body for later as a surprise for Hunter. He’s going to lose his mind when he sees it.

I don’t think I can remember a day that was as good as this one. Hell, the entire weekend, actually. I can’t speak to my teammates’ experiences, but forcing team bonding through activities like this was actually a damn good idea. It’s too easy to get caught up in the schedule, in the routine of classes, practice, eating, sleep, rinse, repeat. We’re not meant to operate as machines, we’re supposed to have fun, to experience, and live, and laugh. Hunter is right, he’s always right. There’s nothing wrong with hard work to reach our goals, but we’ve got to live a little and have some fun between all that other stuff.

“Alright, boys. It’s been a good weekend. Eli, Hunter, job well done. This is what I wanted, and it’s better than anything I could have pulled together. But I’ve got one more exercise for us before we call it a night.” Coach pulls out a stack of sticky notes and a pen, taking a second to write something down on it. Once he’s finished, he takes off his sheet and folds it in half. My eyebrows rise when I look at Hunter next to me. He shrugs, equally confused.

Coach stares at the fire sparking up and reaching toward the sky before he continues to speak, giving us instructions. “Write a secret or a confession onto the paper, something you want to get off your chest. Then we’ll set them free together.” I look from Coach to the fire and understanding washes over me. We’re going to toss them into the fire and watch them burn, letting the wind take the ashes. I can do that. Probably a damn good idea, actually.

Coach passes it to my teammate on his left, who happens to be Kai. He writes down something quickly and then passes it to the next person. When it finally gets to me, I’ve had enough time to dwell on it that I know the one thing I want to get off my chest. Something I’ve been keeping in for a while now, refusing to accept. Because if I accept it, everything changes.

I’m in love with a man and no one even knows I’m gay.

I take off my sticky note and fold it several times, already feeling a little better just knowing I wrote the words down. I hand the pad and pencil to Hunter and wait for it to pass through everyone, ready to watch this go up in flames.

When we’ve all written ours down, Coach faces us and starts talking. “In order to play well, we need to trust each other.” My heart plummets into the pit of my stomach. “One by one, we’re going to take turns reading them off, sharing with the team, leaning on one another. This is our trust circle. What is said here today doesn’t leave. We need to play on that field with the same trust and respect as we’re giving each other right here, right now.” This can’t be fucking happening. All the blood drains from my face as my hands start to shake uncontrollably. I stare into the fire, the wild blue flames at the bottom that twist and climb to red and orange, reaching up toward the sky. Everything around me starts to blur, my chest painfully tight. Is this what a panic attack feels like?

Coach goes first, reading his out loud, then spinning it around to show the proof. Fuck, I can’t even make up reading something. Jesus fucking Christ. I wonder if I pass out right now, if the paper will fall into the fire and I won’t have to do this.

Kai goes next. “I slept with my friend’s girlfriend.” Well, goddamn, we’re starting out with a bang.

“I never wanted to play rugby, and sometimes I hope I’ll get injured enough to not have to continue,” Rome reads slowly, and my jaw drops down to the fucking floor. That one I wouldn’t have guessed if my life depended on it.

One by one, everyone reads their confessions.