Page 27 of The Fed Sex Man

7

Jo

Jenny laughed so hardshe couldn’t catch her breath. “I saw him pulling out of the alley when he came to pick you up. Anyone that drives a fifteen-year-old car that looks that nice is anal-retentive as hell. I bet he just about shit his pants, didn’t he?”

“He really didn’t seem to mind. I insisted he wash it before we ate, though.”

She looked offended. “What? Why?”

“My brother is pretty anal about his car,” I responded. “He always has been. I knew if I’d have thrown up on his car, he’d have washed it immediately. So, I insisted we got through the car wash before we ate.”

“I’ve never thrown up on a date. There’s a few assholes I’d like to have thrown up on, though. You’ve heard that saying, ‘Who pissed in your Cheerios?’, right?”

“I’ve heard people say it, yeah.”

“Well, I kind of pseudo pissed in a guy’s Cheerios once. That’s as close as I’ve got to barfing on a date’s car.”

With Jenny, nothing shocked me. Even so, I needed to hear the story of how she peed in a guy’s cereal. “Oh my God,” I gasped. “What happened?”

She scrunched her nose. “Do you really want to hear it?”

“Sure.”

“Short version, or long version?”

I looked at my watch. “You’ve got twenty minutes.”

“Long version, it is.” She plucked a copy of LJ Shen’s Scandalous from the display rack. “Payne was his name. You know, in hindsight, I should have known he was going to be a douche just because of the name. You can tell a lot from a guy’s name. Anyway, we were dating at the time. I kept hearing that he was cheating on me. People were telling me over and over that he was screwing my friend’s sister. I was like, whatever. But people kept saying it. So, I got his phone and put one of those text trackers on it.”

“What do you mean?”

“A text tracker. It’s a program that lets you get online and see all the SMS messages on a phone. So, I put the program on his phone, tracked his messages, and in one freaking day I found out he was screwing Bryce’s sister, Karen.”

There would be no worse feeling than finding out the man you thought you were in love with was spending intimate time with another woman. A man capable of having sexual relations with two women wasn’t deserving of either of them. If it happened to me, I’d probably curl up in a ball and die. I felt terrible for Jenny.

“Oh, wow, that’s awful,” I said. “Sorry isn’t enough, but I’m sorry. Was Bryce a friend of yours?”

“He still is. He didn’t know. His sister Karen is another freaking story. She was riding Payne’s dick and talking shit on me while he and I were dating.” She rolled the book into a tube. As she continued speaking, she twisted it tighter and tighter. “The skinny little whore knew we were seeing each other and did it anyway. I should have choked that fucking bitch.”

“That’s terrible.”

“It’s the worst feeling ever. He could have stuck his dick in her nasty twat before school, and then had me suck it after school. Thinking about it made me sick. So, anyway. I always carried a bottle of water in my backpack, and I’d squirt that stuff in it. That flavor stuff. You’re supposed to use like three drops, but it takes half a bottle to make it taste good. You know what I’m talking about, right?”

“Yeah, the MiO drops or whatever?”

She nodded. “I knew because I always had a bottle of colored water in the little mesh pocket that no one would think anything. So, I peed in a cup, poured it into the bottle, and carried it to school in my backpack. My school was one of those that catered to the kids who are ‘gifted’ – the problem kids who are bored in regular schools. Anyway, the school served awesome breakfast, so everyone went into the cafeteria in the mornings. We hung out and ate breakfast until around nine, when school started.”

She glanced at the book, only to find out that she’d all but ruined it. While she tried to flatten the twisted cover, she continued. “So, while he was eating his cereal, I sat beside him like I did every morning. Then, I motioned off in the distance and said, ‘Oh my God, look at what she’s wearing’, and I pointed at some random girl. When he looked, I poured the bottle of piss into his cereal bowl. After he ate half of it, I said, ‘Guess what, asshole?’ He looked at me and said, ‘Why’d you call me an asshole?’. I stood up and said, ‘I know you’ve been fucking Karen, and by the way, I pissed in your Cheerios’. Looking at his cheating ass every day is part of the reason I dropped out.”

“It sucks that he did that to you, but it sounds like you got even.”

“I did. Not with the Cheerios.” She laughed. “But with something else.”

I winced at the thought of her doing anything more. “What did you do?”

“I don’t know if you want to hear it. It’s one of those things that sounded good at the time, but afterward, it seemed kind of psycho.”

I looked at my watch. We didn’t open for ten minutes. “I want to hear it.”