Page 26 of The Fed Sex Man

“Soccer balls?” He arched a brow. “How big is this chick?”

“She’s skinny. A hundred and fifteen pounds, maybe one-twenty.”

“And she’s got tits the size of soccer balls?”

I shrugged. “Give or take.”

“What’s she look like? Medusa? Bitch better not have snakes growing out of her head or any kind of shit like that.”

“She’s got blond hair growing out of her head. Blond-ish. You know that kind of fade shit they do where it goes from brown to blond?”

He gave a nod. “She’s got ‘freak hair’.”

“What?”

“Freak hair.”

“What the fuck is ‘freak hair’?”

“Chicks with hair like that are always freaks in bed, so I call it freak hair. She’ll be a wild piece of ass, guaranteed.”

I gave him a look of disbelief. “Because of her hair?”

“Precisely.”

“So, all girls with dye-jobs are freaks?”

“If they have two-tone hair or if they’ve dyed it a weird color it’s a guarantee, yeah.”

“What’s a weird color?”

“Blue, pink, purple, that weird red, and some of those orangey-blondes.”

“Girls with those hair colors are freaks in bed?”

He gave a crisp nod. “Guaranteed.”

I spit out a laugh. “You’re an idiot.”

“What’s the big tittied freak look like? She better not look like a troll.”

“She’s cute. Kind of got a dirty-looking cowgirl thing going on.”

“Dirty, like she didn’t take a bath? Or, dirty like, ‘damn, that’s one sultry-looking bitch’?”

I chuckled. “Did you just say ‘sultry’?”

“Yeah. Sultry. If you’re gonna be fucking a book store owner, you should broaden your vocabulary.”

“It’s broad enough,” I said with a laugh. “She’s the nubile kind of dirty.”

His eyes narrowed. “What the fuck’s that mean?”

“She’s sultry.”

“I want to meet ‘em both,” he said. “Hell, we should just go over there now. You can use my introduction to the ‘nubile cowgirl’ as the reason for stopping by.”

Once every few years, Shawn came up with a good idea. Convinced this was his shining moment for the next two or three years, I gave a nod of approval. “I’ll introduce her to you, as long as you don’t get in my way.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m planning on fucking Jo tonight, and I don’t need you getting in my way.”

“No need to worry about me getting in your way.” He chuckled a dry laugh. “If anything, you’ll need to stay out of my way. I’ll be poking my thumb up that sultry cowgirl’s ass before you get the first sentence out of your mouth.”

Sadly, he was probably right.