Page 28 of The Fed Sex Man

“It’s pretty psycho.”

I grinned. “I really want to hear it, then.”

She placed the tattered book at the top of the display. “When we were dating, he gave me keys to his house. His parents were never home, and my parents were never gone, so I’d go there most days after school while he was at football practice. That’s how his sister and I got to be friends. Anyway, we broke up that morning at breakfast. That day, at lunch, he was sitting with Karen. Like nothing ever happened between us. I thought, ‘You son-of-a-bitch’. You’re not even going to let me mourn, are you?’ So, that night I went to his house, like normal. On the way, I stopped at CVS and got a bottle of Nair. Oh, by the way, he had really nice hair.”

“Holy crap. You didn’t—”

“I did.”

I gasped. “You put it in his shampoo?”

“I mixed it like, I don’t know, half-and-half, yeah.”

“What did it do?”

“Just what you’d think. His hair fell out in fist-sized clumps. His parents thought he had some anxiety disorder associated with our breakup. They had him taking all kinds of tests to try and find out what happened. They figured out later that it must have been a prank in gym class. He ended up shaving his head, which is what I wanted. Everyone laughed at him for a month. It’s what he needed. When I left town, I told him I did it. I thought he needed to know, even if it was five years later.”

“Because you felt guilty?”

She laughed. “No. I didn’t feel guilty at all. He cheated on me. That’s what he gets. He’s lucky I didn’t stab him.”

“Oh.”

“So, that’s my story.” She shrugged. “It’s not barfing on top of a car, but it’s close.”

“Kind of. One was intentional, and one wasn’t.”

“You’re telling me you barfed solely from the jitters?”

“My anxiety got the best of me.”

“I’m glad I didn’t make you barf during the job interview. That would have been awkward.”

Jenny and I hit it off the instant we met. When she applied for the job, she told me she liked my outfit, commented on my glasses, and then told me she loved my hair. She talked a mile a minute, never shut up, and seemed sincere. I was comfortable around her from the moment we first spoke.

“I was comfortable around you,” I assured her. “From the instant we met.”

“That’s funny. If anyone makes you nervous, you’d think that list would include me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m loud and obnoxious.”

“I’m most comfortable around outspoken people,” I admitted. “Quiet people make me itch. I never know what they’re thinking.”

“Uhhm.” She gestured toward the door. “We probably ought to unlock the door. What time is it?”

I looked at my watch. “Crap!”

Each month, we held a contest. Every purchased book throughout the month counted as an entry. On the last Saturday we picked ten entrants at random, with each winner receiving a signed paperback from one well-known Indie author.

The participating authors were selected in advance. The entire month was spent promoting their social media accounts, most recent book, and backlist. The contest was a win-win, driving traffic to the bookstore, and to the author.

As soon as Jenny unlocked the door the women rushed past her and toward the corkboard. One of the women screamed. Another followed. A third shrieked, and then things went quiet.

“Sounds like there’s only three winners,” Jenny said. “I feel bad when the afternoon crowd doesn’t have a chance.”

“I like it when it’s spread out throughout the day, too. It makes it more fun for everyone.”

“Speaking of fun, you need to tell me what happened after you washed the car.”

I hadn’t told her about the blowjob yet, but I intended to. I’d never had a girlfriend I could talk to and doing so with her was therapeutic. As far as she knew, I barfed on Tyson’s car and went home afterward.

“I will.” I turned toward the box of signed books. “Actually, I’ve got a lot more to tell you about.”

While I struggled to pull the signed books from the box they were tightly packed in, Jenny laughed.

I looked up. “What?”

“Maybe you could get the FedEx guy to tell me.”

I gave her a look. “Why would I do that?”

“Because.” She craned her neck and peered toward the door. “He just pulled up outside.”