Page 25 of The Fed Sex Man

“Now I know you’re lying,” he said with a laugh. “If anyone ever managed to choke that motherfucker down, you’d tell the world.”

Every male student during my tenure at Plano High had either seen my cock in the locker room or heard a description of it from someone who had. The locker rooms were a torturous place for kids who were different than everyone else.

I was the equivalent of a walking carnival sideshow.

“The world doesn’t care,” I said. “So, I’m telling you.”

“Are you serious? She deepthroated it?”

“Yep.”

“All of it?”

“Yep.”

“How far down did she get?”

“I already told you. All of it.”

He lifted his chin slightly. “Did she touch her lips to your balls? It doesn’t count as a deepthroat if she didn’t. Balls-deep or it was a failed attempt.”

“She smashed her lips against my nuts.”

He spun in a circle, Justin Timberlake style, snapping his fingers as he came to a stop. “She’s got lips like Garber’s?” he asked excitedly. “Big thick fuckers? DSLs?”

“She does.”

“I want to meet this chick,” he blurted.

“Afraid not.”

“Why not?”

“Why would I introduce you to her?”

“I’m your best friend. Best friends do shit like that for each other. Most of ‘em, anyway. It’s pretty standard stuff.”

He was more than my best friend. He was as close to family as any man could ever be. Nonetheless, I shook my head. “When men introduce the woman they’re fucking to their best friend, it sends a message to the woman. It says they’re a part of that man’s life. She’s never going to be a permanent part of my life, so you’re not going to meet her.”

He exhaled a breath of frustration and crossed his arms. “Yeah, you’ve got a point.”

“Maybe we could just happen to go by her bookstore one weekend,” I said. “I might go by there today, but I don’t need you tagging along.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because. I’m planning on seeing if she wants to fuck tonight. I don’t need a third wheel.”

“Does she have any decent looking chicks working there?”

“As a matter of fact, she’s got some chick that works with her that you need to meet. She’s got huge titties.”

His brows raised. “Considering your fucked-up opinion of what’s skinny, I’ll need a description of huge.”

“The size of cantaloupes.”

“Big ones, or those little fuckers that they sell at HEB in the winter?”

Using both hands, I made the shape of a large sphere. “They’re between cantaloupes and soccer balls.”