Page 82 of Certified to Handle You 3

I ain’t really wanna go inside…

Eventually I grabbed my phone and went inside.

I left most of the gifts in the car ‘cause I ain’t give a fuck about bringin’ ‘em in right now. The Rolex stayed on my wrist while I walked through the house, and I went straight down the hall.

When I got to my room, I sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at my phone.

My thumb moved across the screen, then stopped.

I wasn’t about to call Sha’Nelle, but for a few seconds, I sat here wonderin’ what would happen if I did.

Would she answer on the first ring? Would she cry? Would she be mad? Would hearin’ her voice calm some of this shit down, or would it tear open everything I had been tryna keep closed?

I locked the phone and dropped it beside me. “Nah.”

I rubbed both hands over my face and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees.

A nigga was tired in a way sleep couldn’t fix.

I needed to leave…

The thought came into my head, and instead of pushin’ it away, I sat with it.

I needed to get off the island…

I ain’t wanna go somewhere and turn up until I forgot my name. I wanted somewhere quiet enough for me to hear myself without everybody else’s life movin’ around me.

I picked my phone back up and started lookin’ at flights.

I found a flight to another island called Amiri that was leavin’ in a few days and booked it one way. I ain’t even look at a return flight. Whenever I came back, I came back. When the confirmation came through, I stared at the screen for a few seconds before puttin’ the phone down.

I went to the closet and pulled out a designer suitcase before startin’ to pack. I grabbed clothes I knew I was gon’ actually wear, a few pairs of shoes, and everything else I needed.

The more I packed, the better I felt about leavin’. I needed a place where nobody expected me to be Renza Mensah for a minute. I needed somewhere I could wake up and not have to answer questions, show my face or act like I had my shit together when my heart had been draggin’ me through hell.

I had almost finished packin’ when my eyes moved toward the safe, and I stopped what I was doin’ to stare at it for a minute. I already knew what was inside, and even though I hadn’t touched that ring in so long I couldn’t remember the last time I actually held it, I found myself walkin’ toward the safe anyway.

I put the code in and opened it, then reached inside until my hand closed around the box. Just holdin’ this bitch again brought back feelin’s I had been workin’ hard to keep away from me.

I carried it over to the bed and sat down with it in my hand, wonderin’ why the fuck I decided to do this to myself tonight of all nights.

The deep blue diamond I picked for Sha’Nelle months ago sat in the middle of all those white diamonds like I had just bought it yesterday. At the time, I wanted Sha’Nelle to have it ‘cause I wanted her to be my wife.

That was what hurt…

I sat here with the box open in my hand and thought about how different everything looked when I first bought that ring.

Back then, I could picture myself puttin’ it on her finger. I could see her lookin’ down at it and then back at me with that pretty ass smile.

Now she had another nigga ring on her finger.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my thumb along the outside of the box.

“Fuck.”

My chest felt like somebody had reached inside and twisted that bitch by hand.

Part of me wanted to put the ring right back in the safe, lock it up and leave without it. Maybe that was where it belonged, hidden somewhere I ain’t have to look at it until I figured out what the hell I was supposed to do with it. But when I stood up to put it back, I couldn’t.