Page 6 of Certified to Handle You 3

Another picture had her sittin’ on my lap with both hands in my beard while I looked at her. I stared at it longer than I should’ve.

In my head, Sha’Nelle had been my woman long before she ever agreed with that shit. Maybe that had been part of our problem. I felt somethin’ for her and claimed it before she ever had the chance to decide what she wanted to call it. I loved her so hard that somewhere along the way, I started believin’ the strength of my feelin’s meant hers had to end in the same place.

Now she had somebody else’s ring on her finger, and I had a phone full of memories that ain’t belong in the life she chose.

I started deletin’ ‘em. Every picture took somethin’ with it. Every video made me wanna stop, especially the ones where I could hear her laughin’ behind the camera or see her leanin’ into me while I talked shit. I deleted the pictures of us in bed, the ones from nights out and the random shit she sent when she wanted me to see what she had on. I deleted the videos where she was kissin’ all over my lips and playin’ in my beard. I even deleted the pictures I had saved ‘cause she looked too damn good for me not to keep ‘em. By the time I was done, my eyes was wet again.

“Fuck,” I muttered while lockin’ my phone and tossin’ it back onto the passenger seat.

I wiped my face with both hands before startin’ the truck. The engine came alive around me, and I turned the air up ‘cause I finally noticed how hot it had got inside this bitch.

I ain’t put no destination in the navigation and ain’t call nobody to tell ‘em where I was headed. I pulled out the lot and got back on the road ‘cause sittin’ here wasn’t doin’ shit but makin’ me wanna dig through my recently deleted folder and put every piece of her right back where it was.

I drove without thinkin’ about where I was goin’. I passed turns I knew and kept movin’ until the streets started lookin’ less familiar. I ain’t play no music ‘cause every damn song sounded like it had the potential to piss me off, and I ain’t need some singer tellin’ me shit about heartbreak when I was already livin’ it.

At some point, I looked in my rearview mirror and recognized Kay’Lo’s truck behind me.

I frowned and switched lanes. That nigga switched too, but I kept drivin’. Kay’Lo stayed right there.

I knew exactly what he was doin’, and under normal circumstances I would’ve called him and told him to get the fuck from behind me. Today, I ain’t have enough energy to argue with him. If his dumb ass wanted to waste gas followin’ me around Trill-Land, that was his business.

An hour passed, and he was still there. Then another one went by.

I drove through parts of the island I ain’t had no reason to be in and took roads that led nowhere I needed to go. A few times, I thought Kay’Lo would finally get tired and turn around, but every time I checked my mirror, his truck was still behind mine.

He never called me. He never flashed his lights or pulled beside me tryna get my attention. He just followed.

I finally let out a long sigh ‘cause that nigga clearly had more patience than I did. I pulled on the side of a quiet road and put my truck in park. Kay’Lo stopped behind me a few seconds later, and I watched through the mirror as his door opened.

He got out with a blunt tucked behind his ear and walked toward my passenger side. I reached over and unlocked the door before he got here ‘cause I already knew he wasn’t askin’ permission.

Kay’Lo climbed in and shut the door behind him. He looked at me for a second, and I looked straight ahead ‘cause I ain’t wanna see no sympathy on that nigga face.

He ain’t ask if I was good. He ain’t tell me Sha’Nelle ain’t deserve me or start talkin’ that bullshit people said when they ain’t know what else to say. He ain’t tell me there was other bitches out here ‘cause he knew damn well I ain’t give a fuck about no other woman.

He reached behind his ear, pulled the blunt out and sparked it. He took a couple pulls before crackin’ the window enough to let some of the smoke escape. Then he held it toward me without sayin’ a word.

I looked at the blunt and then at him before takin’ it. I pulled from it until the smoke filled my chest, held it for a second and blew it toward my cracked window. Kay’Lo leaned back against the passenger seat while I passed it to him, and for a while, that was all we did.

We just smoked…

He passed it to me, and I passed it back. Every now and then, I looked through the windshield at the empty road ahead of us while my mind went right back to Sha’Nelle. I thought about that ring on her finger and how eventually there would probably be a weddin’ behind it. She would wear some beautiful ass dress ‘cause Sha’Nelle ain’t know how to do shit halfway when it came to lookin’ good. That nigga would stand somewhere waitin’ on her, and if she went through with it, she would walk toward him and become his wife.

I took another pull from the blunt ‘cause the thought made my chest hurt all over again.

Kay’Lo took the blunt from my fingers when I held it toward him, and his shoulder rested against the seat beside mine. He still ain’t say shit, and for once, I appreciated that more than anything he could’ve told me. There wasn’t shit he could fix and he knew it.

There wasn’t no speech that could make me stop lovin’ Sha’Nelle, and there wasn’t no joke I could crack that would make that ring disappear from her finger. I had to sit in this shit until my heart finally understood what my eyes already saw.

I rubbed my hand over my face and looked down at the phone sittin’ near the console. Sha’Nelle couldn’t call me no more, and I couldn’t keep torturin’ myself with old pictures whenever I got weak enough to miss her. I had done everything I could think of to start cuttin’ her out of my life, but my mind still knew every damn thing my phone ain’t have anymore.

That was gon’ be the hard part…

I could delete pictures and messages. I could block numbers and put that blue diamond ring somewhere I ain’t have to look at it. I could stop askin’ Kay’Lo about her and never say Sha’Nelle’s name again if that was what it took. But… none of that changed the fact that I loved her.

Kay’Lo passed the blunt back to me, and I took it while keepin’ my eyes on the road ahead. My cousin had followed me around for hours without knowin’ where the fuck I was goin’, and now he sat beside me without askin’ me to explain nothin’. He ain’t need me to tell him I was fucked up ‘cause he already knew.

I took one last pull before passin’ the blunt back and leaned my head against the seat.