Page 51 of Certified to Handle You 3

The dude with the clippers lowered his hand and stared at me. “Who askin’?”

I lifted my chin like that question ain’t make my stomach drop. “Sha’Nelle.”

That name moved through the room without nobody repeatin’ it.

One nigga looked down at his phone like he suddenly had business. Another one pressed his lips together like he was fightin’ a laugh. The barber in front of me looked me over like he was tryna decide how honest he could be without gettin’ caught in some shit that ain’t have nothin’ to do with him.

“He ain’t here,” he finally said.

“I see he ain’t here,” I said. “I’m askin’ do he still come here?”

The nigga sweepin’ by the door made a sound under his breath, and I cut my eyes at him so fast he went back to pushin’ that bent up ass broom.

The barber shook his head. “I’on know what to tell you.”

To me, that meant yes. I knew it meant yes, and that made me feel crazier ‘cause I was close enough to a piece of Renza’s life to know I wasn’t completely lost, but still not close enough to touch him.

I stood here for another second, lookin’ at niggas who acted like they knew exactly who I was askin’ about and probably knew why, but nobody was about to give that man up.

“A’ight,” I said, swallowin’ down how stupid I felt. “If he come through, tell him Sha’Nelle was lookin’ for him.”

The barber ain’t promise me nothin’. He just nodded once, and I walked out the shop with my face hot and my pride somewhere on the floor behind me.

As soon as I got back in the Uber, I sat there starin’ out the window like I ain’t just walked into a barber shop askin’ strangers about a man who had been duckin’ me for days, but I had. And the worst part was, I would’ve done it again.

By the third day, my pride had already stopped fightin’ me. I was callin’ from new numbers, textin’ from apps and tryna get anybody who might know somethin’ without makin’ it too obvious that I had lost my mind behind this nigga.

Even though I was tempted, I ain’t ask Pressure where he was ‘cause I already knew damn well he wasn’t givin’ me that, and I respected it even though it made me wanna scream.

I asked Pluto lil’ questions when I could, paid attention to what people ain’t say and rode through more of Trill-Land than I had ever seen when I actually lived around the circle.

Every time I came up short, it made me feel smaller.

By the fourth day, Pluto told me to get dressed ‘cause she and Toni was takin’ me to brunch. I ain’t wanna go at first. I wanted to stay in that room and keep starin’ at my phone like Renza’s name might show up, but Pluto walked in and gave me a look that told me I needed to stop sittin’ in the same spot before I turned into the furniture.

Toni texted me not long after, sayin’ she was on the way, and my stomach twisted ’cause I already knew shit had been bad at her house since that night.

Now we was sittin’ at this pretty brunch spot near the water, and I was tryna keep myself together in front of two women who knew I wasn’t together at all.

The place was nice, with white tables, big windows, gold lights and a view that made the ocean look like it had been placed specifically there just for rich people to stare at while they ate.

Pluto sat across from me in a soft cream outfit with her hair pinned back, lookin’ calm in a way that made me wish I had even half of that in me. Toni sat beside me in dark shades even though we was inside, and she had been quiet since we got here except for orderin’ wine.

I picked over my food more than I ate it. My stomach hadn’t been right since I landed, and every time I tried to swallow, it felt like my body wanted to reject anything that wasn’t an answer from Renza. I took a sip of my mimosa, then sat back and looked between them.

“I still can’t believe me and Kay’Lo got into it like that,” I said, keepin’ my voice low. “Like, I know the nigga mad. I get why he mad, but that shit don’t feel real. Me and ’Lo always been cool.”

Toni ain’t say nothin’, but her fingers tightened around the stem of her glass.

I looked down at my plate and moved a piece of chicken around with my fork.

Pluto watched me with her soft eyes, but she ain’t rush to save me from the truth.

“I know I brought a lot with me,” I admitted. “I know I’m bleedin’ on everybody right now, and I’m not tryna do that. I swear I’m not. I just need Renza to talk to me. That’s it. I ain’t askin’ nobody to make him forgive me, and I ain’t askin’ nobody to drag him to me. I just need one conversation with him, and bein’ here make that shit worse ‘cause I know he close. I just can’t get to him.”

Toni took a sip of wine and looked toward the window like she needed the water to keep from sayin’ somethin’ too fast.

Pluto sat her fork down and leaned in a lil’. “You and Pressure got a lot of the same in y’all.”