Page 98 of Letting Go at 40

Mila nods, falling quiet for a long minute.

“Mila, do you understand?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” She rolls to her side on her bed, staring up at me. “You’re not going anywhere, though, right? Like if you marry him, he’ll live with us? Here?”

“Oh baby, where is all this coming from?”

“Remember I told you Penny got a new dad, and now her mom wants to live with him. And Penny’s going to go live with her first dad. She has to go to a new school and move into another new house.”

“Whoa, whoa, honey.” I smooth her hair, brushing it back from her face. “We aren’t going anywhere. We’re staying right here. No new school. No new house.”

Mila nods again, staring up at me. “Okay,” she whispers. “After I finish my homework, can we have pizza for dinner? I heard Rosario’s is making heart-shaped ones.”

The reminder of Valentine’s Day has me thinking of the flowers on the island counter and the man who kissed me breathless in the den.

“Heart-shaped pizza it is, my love.” I lean down and hug her, knowing that a fabricated holiday for lovers will never top the love between a mother and her children.

Chapter 35

7 Months Ago

February

Girlfriend Day

[Mason]

The momentum of our kiss is lost after Mila interrupts us, although I don’t blame Mila for the deflation in my chest. Anna’s words popped that bubble.

It’s nothing. How often am I going to hear that in reference to our kisses? How much longer will she say such a thing about us? About me?

Feeling as if I am nothing to her, despite the grateful kiss for the gorgeous flowers, I need a breather from all things Anna.

I send her a text.

Gonna take my best girl out for Valentine’s Day. Maybe Mila needs some best girl time, too.

I don’t expect to hear from Anna right away. She’d been upstairs for a bit before Bryce came down to tell me they were going to be awhile.

“Girl talk.” He rolled his eyes and headed for the refrigerator.

Tonight’s plan included pizza for the kids and then a late dinner for Anna and me, with steak and wine. I didn’t think she’d want to go out, but we could celebrate in.

Then again, what were we celebrating? Some bullshit holiday proclaiming lovers appreciate one another? Shouldn’t lovers do that every day?

However, Anna and I weren’t officially lovers. We weren’t officially anything.

It’s nothing.

I was just a guest in her garage apartment. Deep down, I knew I meant more than that to Anna, but I still didn’t know what I meant to her. Who was I to her?

Instead of thinking about Anna, I took Lynlee out.

Rosario’s was chaos as they featured a special heart-shaped pizza for the night. Most of the customers were families, not couples on dates, and I did my best to engage my current date.

“Do you like your new school?” I prod.

Lynlee is a quiet child. Sometimes I blame myself as I just don’t know what to say to her. Anna is so good at parenting.