Page 66 of Letting Go at 40

“What happened?” Any hesitation I’ve had to touch him is gone. I reach for his upper arm, needing him to look at me.

“I gave Lynlee a phone so she could call me if she needed me.” Mason turns his head, looking at me over his shoulder. “Samantha found it.”

He presses off the countertop and digs his fingers into his hair, tugging on the curls behind his neck. “She called me from the phone.”

“What did she say?” This isn’t good. I overheard Mason speaking with Zack earlier about an attorney before Zack crossed the yard for his place.

“She told me how dare I give Lynlee a phone. One with only one number in it. She warned me she was contacting the mediator.” Mason releases his hair with a sharp pull. “It doesn’t matter, though. I’m getting a lawyer. I want more.”

My eyes widen with surprise and hope. “More time with Lynlee?”

“Yes.” He turns, facing me full on. “I’ve got to get back to Traverse City.”

A heavy pause falls between us as I nod.

“Look, I know we need to talk, but . . .”

“No, of course, you need to go.” I stare up at him, his eyes another kaleidoscope of emotion. He doesn’t want to leave. He feels obligated to stay as he’d told me he wasn’t going anywhere, as he told the guys he was going to stay a little longer, but this is more important than him and me.

“Are you worried?” I swallow around the thickness in my throat. “That Samantha will do something?” Will she hurt the little girl we’ve never met? Or worse, will she steal her away from him?

Mason reaches for his phone. “I’ll call a neighbor who I’ve asked to keep an eye on things.” Once he presses the contact, he lifts the phone to his ear. “I’m so sorry,” he mouths to me.

Shaking my head, I dismiss his apology “What can I do?” How do I help him?

Mason shakes his head as he brushes a hand down my arm, then he’s speaking into the phone and walking around me.

With his retreating back to me, I shake. Within fifteen minutes, Mason is packed and I’m standing on the driveway as he throws his bag in the back of his car.

“Mason,” I call out as he opens the driver’s door, pausing to glance back at me. My arms cross over my chest, fighting the pull to step up to him, tug him to me. Tell him everything will be okay. Ask him to come back to me.

“Be careful.” The words aren’t enough.

“I’ll call you,” he says, dipping his head and ducking into his car.

Only he doesn’t call.

Zack is the one who tells me Mason will be staying in Traverse City. He’s fighting for full custody of his child.

+ + +

Within days of Mason’s leaving, we take Calvin to college. The farewells are bittersweet as we stand on the beautiful campus. Pride swells as my child takes this next step in his life. Sorrow lingers that Ben isn’t present to see Calvin at this stage. To watch our oldest son become a young man, eager for life to lead him where it will. Calvin wants to study criminal justice. My brother Archer is his new inspiration.

My chest pinches when I think of the absence of Mason. He was planning to drive with us, joining in the send-off of Calvin.

“I want you to have the best time,” I tell my distracted son as we stand on the curb outside his dormitory. He’s exhausted from carrying bins and assessing his room. We’ve been to a local superstore for groceries, hanging strips, and last-minute items he decided he needed to make his dorm room a haven.

Calvin nods once, brushing off my plea for him to enjoy himself. We’ve fought more than I like to admit in the past year as he’s struggled with the death of his father and the decision of where to go to college.

“Dad would be so proud,” I whisper, holding onto his upper arms, feeling the strength within them. He’s gone from a goofy child to a grown man in a blink.

“Mom,” he groans, swallowing hard as he lowers his head.

I promised myself I wouldn’t bring up any sad topics today, but I still want him to know that Ben would be so happy for him.

“Okay. I love you,” I say, holding back the tears. I’m excited for this new journey of his and I’m trying to keep my emotions out of it.

“Love you, too, Mom.” He leans in and I take my cue to hug him and step away.