Page 77 of Pretender

“Yes, thank you. Fuck, that was horrific.”

“You were in Florence with your new boyfriend?”

“Um.”

“Why didn’t you tell us you’re dating your client, oh my god! I wish he’d narrate books, fucking hell, that voice.”

“Wow, yeah, I guess?”

“You guess? I googled him afterwards. How could you not tell us you’ve been working for a fucking dish all this time? And you’re dating him! He looks like he has a big penis, and God knows you need that finally.”

I gasp. “Jamie! I’m not talking to you about Aiden’s … penis.”

“Well, you should. I bet it’s splendid, and a wonderful topic of conversation. Obviously, my memories of real penises might be muddled, but I’m certain he’s got a delicious one.”

“Please stop,” I croak, my head now full of surprisingly beautiful erections.

“Jokes aside, darling, is it serious or are you finally just letting loose?”

“How are you so sure I’ve not been letting loose? I could’ve been.”

“Honey.”

“What?”

“Your voice notes say it all. You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out you’ve been home alone, working, instead of being out living your best life.”

“Right.”

“Well, now you apparently are. When did you start dating him?”

“It’s quite new. Three weeks-ish?”

“Can we please meet him when we arrive next Saturday?”

“Umm… Yes?” Oh shit, the picnic. “There’s a work thing on that day. What time are you arriving?”

“In the afternoon. You won’t be home? We’re staying with you, right?”

“Yes, of course! Every time. Please.” One time they stayed in a hotel and I hardly saw them. It’s for them only that I’ve stored a mattress under my bed. “I have an emergency key in a lockbox outside. I’ll send you a picture and the code so you can find it and let yourselves in.”

“Great, thank you. I can’t tell you how much we’re looking forward to four days away from the kids, and it makes us feel so guilty, but, fuck, we need some alone time. With you, of course.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you have some alone time too.”

We talk for a few more minutes about Sophie’s uncle and the funeral plans for the following Monday morning. It seems he was quite old and she didn’t know him all that well, but she’ll need to go to the gathering after to be with her mum, so I’ll only get Saturday and Sunday with them.

After hanging up, and before I overthink it, I open the message app.

Hey, might need you to come meet Jamie and Sophie next Sunday, is that okay?

Of course. What have you told them?

Not much, but I’ve let them believe it’s true. I’m sure they’ll see through it though

We’ll just have to try really hard. Or you can tell them.

Yeah, that might be best. Thank you