Page 35 of Butterfly 6, Phase 1

“Okay,” Alani sighed as she tried to release the grief she held and hide her sorrow. “Let’s turn on the show.” Her attempt to feign wholeness was futile. She was in pieces, and Eazy and Bella were picking them up off the floor.

“It’s okay. You can cry.” Eazy’s grace made Alani squeeze him tighter, and she found herself in the middle of two amazing little humans.

“I’m really sorry she’s not here,” Bella whispered.

There was a guilt building in Bella’s chest because with one question, Alani had pulled Bella into the middle of a huge web of lies. Bella and Alani had always been honest with each other. Bella trusted Alani more than anyone in the world, and she felt terrible for knowing the truth about Kenzie. Bella would be lying if she said that she was only protecting her father. She was protecting herself as well. She needed Alani in her life. She knew that if Alani had to relive the death of Kenzie, it was a good chance that Alani would leave for good. Bella couldn’t chance that, so she became an accomplice to Ethic’s greatest sin. It was hard, but it was necessary, and Bella told herself it was for everybody’s good. Bella had been dying for this version of Alani to re-emerge from the fog, only to be confronted with a truth so ugly she was afraid to face her.

“Me too,” Alani responded. She wondered what life would have been like had Kenzie been a part of her existence in Ethicland. Would the blending of their children have been seamless, or would they have struggled to make each piece fit? Would Eazy have protected Kenzie wholeheartedly? Would Bella be the perfect example? Would Kenzie have spent time with Mo and the twins? What would her room have been like in this mansion? How would Ethic have been with a child that he hadn’t fathered? Would Kenzie have loved him? Alani yearned to know this dynamic, but her reality was bleaker. She was rich in love from this family, but the sacrifice she made along the way was devastating. She would never get over the loss of a child. Even when days were good, they were equally bad because her loss knew no end. Even with memory loss, she didn’t forget. “She would have loved it here.”

“What was she like?” Eazy asked.

“Eazy!” Bella chastised.

“It’s okay,” Alani said. “Kenzie was the sweetest baby girl. She was so kind and funny. She was the easiest baby ever. Nannie kept prepping me for sleepless nights and how tired I would be after she was born, but she was so peaceful. I remember being so obsessed with her that I would just watch her sleep for hours.” Alani’s voice was small but held so much joy that it made Eazy smile. “She was the most beautiful baby. The day she was born was the first day I ever felt true love.”

“And you remember her? How come you can’t remember us?” Eazy asked. “Is it because we’re not your real kids?” Eazy asked.

Alani shook her head. “No, Eazy, that can’t be true,” Alani reassured. “You are my babies. I chose you, and I will keep choosing you forever and a day.”

That seemed to comfort him, but when she looked at Bella, there was turmoil in her eyes.

Before she could probe the source of Bella’s distress, Eazy asked another question that knocked her off her feet.

“Do you remember Love?”

“Eazy, shut up!” Bella snapped.

Alani felt a tug in her soul at just the mention of Love’s name. “Bella, don’t talk to him like that,” Alani chastised. “Now, who is Love?”

Alani could tell that Eazy was now afraid to speak up.

“Bella?” Alani asked.

“It’s not our place to tell you things that will hurt you more,” Bella whined.

Alani braced herself. “Bella, who is Love?” Her voice was stern and elevated, almost panicked.

She felt the answer before it was spoken. It resonated throughout her entire body. Grief was tricky that way. It was triggered easily, and it was rising within her. The sadness that filled Bella’s eyes didn’t help.

“Excuse me, guys, maybe you should save this conversation for your dad.” Mara suddenly appeared in the doorway, and she held up the baby monitor for Alani.

“I’m sorry, what?” Alani shot back. “This really doesn’t concern you, Mara.”

Mara shifted uncomfortably, motioning an open and unthreatening hand towards Bella and Eazy.

“You seem agitated, and I just want to make sure we’re keeping things calm. You have some questions, and maybe your husband can provide more clarity than your kids,” Mara gently suggested.

“The comings and goings in this home isn’t your job, Mara. I’m talking to my kids,” Alani said.

“She’s crying,” Mara said softly.

Alani looked down at Bella and Eazy. Her breath caught as sudden dread tightened her chest.

“Oh, Bella,” Alani whispered. “I’m sorry. Eazy, nooo,” she consoled. “Baby, come here.” Alani pulled them close.

“Are you mad?” Eazy asked.

“No, Eazy, never. I’m not mad,” Alani whispered. “Why are you crying, Bella?”