Page 34 of Butterfly 6, Phase 1

“Eazy, be careful with her,” Bella fussed. Eazy was all boy all the time. “Eazy!”

Bella’s tone caused Alani and Eazy to pause. “Just stop before you hurt her! She’s barely better! You’re playing too much!”

Alani heard the anger in Bella’s voice, but most of all her words reflected fear.

“Bella, baby, I’m fine,” Alani said. “I won’t break.”

“You’re not fine! You almost died! You almost left us, and you didn’t even come back the same. Everything’s messed up now!” The earnestness in Bella’s tone told Alani that her condition was troubling Bella deeply.

The look of sadness on Bella’s and Eazy’s faces brought the weight of her situation down on Alani’s shoulders. They had been so helpful and supportive of her recovery that Alani had missed how afraid they truly were.

Alani used all her strength to reposition herself on the couch, making room for them on both sides of her. “Alright, come here, you guys,” she said, patting the open seats.

“I’m really sorry for playing rough,” Eazy stated.

“Don’t be sorry, Eazy. I’m okay,” Alani stressed. “I’m not made of glass. Come on, come closer.” She beckoned them, and they climbed into her space. “Your sister is just worried. A big thing happened in our lives. It’s okay to have big feelings. You’ve carried a lot since all this happened, Bella.” Bella leaned her head on Alani’s shoulder, and Alani wrapped them both in love. With her arm around Bella’s shoulder and Eazy’s head resting in her lap, she soothed them. “I’m getting better every day. You don’t have to be afraid. I might not be as strong as I was before, but I promise you that it’s going to get better.” Alani could feel the tension and stress radiating off them, and she promised herself right then and there that she would do everything she could to recover as fast as possible, even if that meant allowing Mara to stay.

“What if you never get all your memories back? It doesn’t feel like you love us the same,” Eazy admitted.

“Oh, baby boy.” Alani couldn’t explain how or why her heart turned to mush. No, she didn’t remember, but here she was, destroyed because Eazy was hurting. That was muscle memory. It had to be. Love was exercised, and clearly, she never missed a day with these kids because her love for them was strong. Blind love. Instinctual love. A mother’s love. “Love is funny in the way it keeps record.”

“What do you mean?” Bella asked.

“Well, it’s not always a direct memory. I may not be able to recall the big things, but love is recorded in the little things, too. The way my heart races nervously when your father walks in the room. The way I can tell when you’re awake and about to knock on my room door every morning before you even make a sound,” she said to Eazy, nudging his shoulder with her own. “The way I instinctively play thumb war, whenever you hold my hand. Or the way my ears perk up when I hear you outside with the other kids on Susan Street. Even if you’re a few houses down, I can pick you out of the crowd.” She turned to Bella. “Or the way I automatically feel pure joy whenever you walk into a room. My mind may be a little foggy, but the heart is a muscle, and my muscle memory is filled with all of you. My body reacts to the two of you as if I birthed you myself. I don’t need to remember to know that I love y’all. It’s just there. It’s a muscle, and it was exercised often because it’s still strong even now that my mind is weak,” Alani explained.

“How is that possible?” Bella asked, confused.

“Love isn’t a game of the mind. It’s one of the heart.” Alani shrugged. “The mind can say one thing, and the heart will speak a completely different language. I love you guys very much. I feel it so strongly that my heart heals a little whenever you’re around. I’ve lost a lot, and I’m trying to figure out how to accept that. It makes me sad thinking about certain things in my old life, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not appreciative of each of you. I’m sorry if my health makes you feel uncertain. I’ll do better because I do love you, and I want you to be certain about that.”

“It felt like our entire world would end, when you wouldn’t wake up,” Bella admitted. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared. I just feel like you’re going to close your eyes one of these nights and not wake up.”

“Sweet girl.” Alani cupped Bella’s chin with one gentle hand. She had noticed that Bella was always on call, always caring for her around the clock. She was never far, and if Alani needed anything, Bella was on top of it. “I’m right here. You can rest, Bella. You don’t have to take care of me or feel like you have to watch me every second of every day. I’m going to get better.” Bella had been attached to her at the hip since she had awakened. Eazy too. They took shifts sitting with her, and as she took in their faces, she noticed for the first time how exhausted they looked. Worry and stress adorned them. “It’s not your job to take care of me, guys. It’s mine to take care of the two of you. Come on.”

She lifted the plush throw that covered her and invited them in.

“How about today we just rest? We lay here, watching shows from the olden days,” she said, nudging Eazy playfully. “And we just let it be a normal day. God has a plan for this family, and it doesn’t end in loss, sickness, or grief. That sound okay?” Alani asked.

Bella placed her nose to Alani’s cheek and closed her eyes as she inhaled her scent. Alani leaned into Bella lovingly and caressed the top of Eazy’s head.

“Thank you for being our mom, even when you’re hurting,” Bella whispered.

Alani ached for this type of connection. Motherhood was her favorite role, and while Eazy, Bella, and True were love personified, her mind couldn’t help but drift to Kenzie.

“That’s what a mother does,” Alani answered. She was hesitant to say the words that were floating in her mind, but she couldn’t stop herself. “Bella, did you guys ever meet Kenzie?”

Bella’s anxiety skyrocketed, and her chest tightened. “No, I didn’t get to meet her.”

“I met her once in a dream,” Eazy said.

Alani felt the frog building in her throat. “Was she happy in your dream?”

Bella’s soft hand touched Alani’s cheek, clearing the renegade tear that was running from her eye.

“She was smiling, so I think she was,” Eazy said.

Alani squeezed her eyes closed tightly, fighting to stop the sob from escaping her chest. She hurriedly swiped at her tears and cleared her throat. “Good, that’s good, Eazy. If she ever comes to you in a dream again, tell her I miss her and that I’m sorry and that I love her,” Alani whispered. “Will you do that for me?”

Eazy nodded. “I will,” he replied.