Page 36 of Butterfly 6, Phase 1

“I just don’t want to bring back bad memories for you,” Bella admitted truthfully. Bella knew the horror that was hiding in the shadows of the Okafor household. It had taken her a lot of long talks with her father and many sessions with her uncle, Nyair, to even process the circumstances that led to Alani being in their lives. It wasn’t a truth that was easily digestible. She loved her father fiercely, and Alani was the biggest blessing to happen to them all, but the tragedy that brought her to them was haunting. Bella thought of Kenzie often. The guilt she felt for the love Alani gave her was something she never spoke of. She knew it was all supposed to go to a little girl that her father had accidentally hurt, and as she watched Alani grieve over the years, Bella grieved with her silently, always being a supportive love, a supplemental love. Bella worked just as hard as Ethic to feed Alani’s heart. No one knew it, but her worst fear was thinking about the day Alani would wake up and decide she couldn’t be with Ethic anymore. The threat felt closer than ever.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, guys. Everything’s fine. I just want to remember my life. It feels like I’m missing so many important details. You said the name Love, and my entire body came alive. I’m sorry for being pushy.”

“Bella, why don’t you go get that measuring tape and suit so I can take care of Eazy,” Mara suggested.

Alani’s feelings were shattered when they stood up and walked away from her.

She planted her face in her hands in distress as she willed herself not to cry.

“I’m sorry for overstepping,” Mara said.

“Just go away,” Alani whispered as she stood to her feet. Mara went to assist, and Alani held up a hand in protest. “I’ve got it. Please, just let me do it myself.”

Mara stood back, feeling conflicted as her eyes followed Alani’s every step. Mara’s gaze stayed fixed as anxiety clawed at her throat. If Alani fell, she would be fired, and she couldn’t afford to lose her place in the Okafor household. She had a job to do, and she was determined to complete it

“You’re on your feet without a walker. You’ve been pushing yourself all day. This isn’t helping anything. The inflammation alone from your muscles being overworked is probably very painful by now. You’re going to land yourself back in the hospital.”

Alani’s steps were slow, pained, and unbalanced, but she was determined to make it to her bedroom without Mara’s help. By the time she crossed the room and made it down the hall, she was pouring in sweat. It wasn’t that her legs didn’t work; they were just so damn weak. Her mind and body felt disconnected, like the signals weren’t moving fast enough to her limbs. Every step took so much out of her, and without Ethic’s watchful gaze on her, she didn’t have to pretend like it didn’t hurt. She wanted him to think she was better than she was, so she suffered in silence, standing taller and striding farther than she could bear. Now that he had gone, it was hitting her like a ton of bricks, and the mental toll was greater than the physical one.

You can do this. Just take your time. Alani’s silent coaching did very little to motivate her. She was damn near fighting tears; she was so frustrated. To a woman who had always taken care of herself and everyone around her, being helpless was torture.

“Damn it!” she cried out as her balance gave out. She reached for the stair railing, falling forward slightly to catch it before she hit the floor.

“Ma!”

She heard Bella call out to her, and then she felt the relief of support as Bella ducked beneath her arm to steady her.

“Why would you let her try this alone?” Bella asked.

“She wouldn’t allow me to help,” Mara said softly. “I need consent to touch her.”

“I’m okay, Bella.” Alani was heaving like she had run a marathon.

Bella sat Alani down on the step and then rushed to the front closet, pulling out a wheelchair, and then helped her into it.

“We have an elevator, Ma,” Bella said. “Why would you take the stairs?”

“We do?” Alani asked.

Bella wheeled Alani over to the elevator, and as soon as she pressed the call button, Alani burst into laughter.

“I’m losing my mind. I can’t even remember the features in my own house,” Alani said as she cackled. “I almost broke my neck, and there’s a whole elevator.” She had to laugh to keep from crying.

“Please, can I help?” Mara asked as she held open the elevator doors.

“I’ve got her,” Bella said as she pushed the button, closing the doors.

Bella helped Alani to her bed and then sat on the edge of it, as she looked down at her hands.

“I’ve never lied to you before,” Bella said. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to our family. I love you, and if you and Daddy don’t make it…”

“Bella, your daddy is amazing. He’s…” Alani sighed. “He’s the kind of man I’ve prayed for. You don’t have to worry about things that will never happen.”

“If it does,” Bella reasoned. “If you ever leave, I hope you take me with you.”

“Bella, you’re his daughter…”

“I’m your daughter too,” Bella said. “And if there’s a side to take, I choose you.” Bella meant every word. She loved her father with everything in her, but she needed Alani. She had been loved by her father her entire life. She hadn’t had enough time with Alani to even consider losing her.