Page 49 of The Logic of Loyalty

“Does this Goddamn remote not fucking work?” I frantically press it as my wife mumbles and whimpers quietly. A nurse walks in, and at first, I could kiss her feet for showing up, but once I get a good look, I deflate. It is the nurse who has continued to dismiss her discomfort, completely ignoring and dismissing everything, not doing a thing about the rash forming on her arms and legs.

“Sir.” The condescension in her voice with that one word makes me want to throw things. From the moment she walked into our room and saw us, she had made up her mind about who we are.

“Irresponsible teen parents.” I heard her whisper it when I was getting Paige some ice.

“I’m going to need you to remain calm. Everything that is happening here is normal⁠—”

“My wife never complains about pain. Something is wrong, and you all need to fix it immediately.”

She scoffs, and I see red.

“Get us a doctor.”

“The doctor had more important⁠—”

“Now!” I roar, pointing my finger at the door, willing and praying that someone who gives a shit about my wife and my child enters the room next.

“Sir, you’re going to have to calm down, or you’ll have to leave.” This shit has to be a joke. I know they’re not just ignoring my delicate wife fucking whimpering in that hospital bed. My shoulders rise and fall with my quick, heavy breaths. My vision flickers as the thoughts fly through my mind. Useless. Worthless.

“I understand.” The words barely make it through my constricted throat and gritted teeth. “But I think it’s important, even vital, that we see a doctor.”

She rolls her eyes and walks out without another word, but miraculously returns shortly with a doctor in tow.

“Hey there, kids,” this man says with manufactured cheer. “So we think it’s probably a good idea to induce labor. I know we were hoping to gain more time, but your girlfriend⁠—”

“Wife. But listen⁠—”

“Yes, yes. Of course. Well, she is having to have her blood pressure treated a little too regularly for our comfort.” He gestures toward Paige but addresses me, cutting me off in the process.

“I suggest asking her what she prefers, doctor.” I not-so-gently redirect his attention to a pale Paige.

She meets his eyes, her chin quivering for a moment before she pinches her lips tightly together and gives a small nod. “I want to have our boy naturally, please. But, um, I’m worried. Something is hurting—” Her voice is quiet but firm, strong. He still interrupts her.

“Very well. A little pain is to be expected at this point, don’t you think? We will check your cervix, and then we can give you a pill orally or through your cervix. There’s some pressure with the latter option, but it is twice as effective.” Paige’s eyes, full of fear and uncertainty, meet mine over the shoulder of the doctor.

I paste a reassuring smile on my face that I hope tells her I’m here, and anything she needs—anything at all—I will fight tooth and nail to make sure she gets. I will do anything for her.

A small nod back from her, and then she looks back to the doctor. “Which will be best for the baby?”

He doesn’t even meet her eyes, writing on the notepad he has. “Well, what’s best for the baby is to keep him in there as long as possible, but since that isn’t an option, the sooner he is out, the sooner we can get him hooked up to some life-saving machines.”

Paige’s face reflects the stages of grief in a clear series of heartbroken expressions in response to his words, and I might want to kill him.

“The second option, please. The Medi-posal stuff in—in my cervix.”

The man either misses the quiver is my small wife’s voice or he’s truly a heartless bastard when he corrects her. “Misoprostal.” As if saying the fucking name of the medicine right makes a difference. He’s out the door without another word, leaving us to navigate the news by ourselves.

The door isn’t even shut before I’m gathering her trembling body into my arms. Her bump on her inflated body barely registers against me, and the reality of this moment crashes into us. Her breath starts to shudder with her body, and I sit here, powerless, with the sound of her pain escaping her in broken sobs.

A few minutes pass as I hold her sobbing in my arms, and then she stops and shakes against me. She’s breaking in silence, and I’m having to be the one to hold her together. I don’t feel equipped for this, but I’ll do my best to be what she needs.

A nurse comes and completes the process. Paige flinches but masks her pain as he does it, her knuckles turning white where she holds my hands and squeezes her eyes tightly closed. He doesn’t say a word before walking out.

“I-I—Trevor.” Her voice breaks on my name, shattering the tense silence of the room. Tears glisten in her brown eyes as she wets her chapped lips with her tongue. “I couldn’t even protect him with my body. That’s my job. That’s what I’m supposed to do.” Her heartbreak bleeds through her words, and I let her fall apart in my arms. I hold Paige, resting my head on top of hers. I can’t even stroke her arms to comfort her because the rashes that cover her hurt too. I exist in her space and will the right words to come to me. Above all, I wish I could promise to keep her safe.

“You’re doing so well, Paige. You’re doing exactly what you need to do for him, baby. He’s here, and he’s safe because you knew something was wrong.” A new doctor runs into the room, his eyes wide and panicked as I murmur to her.

“Mr. And Mrs. Whitaker. We need to operate. Immediately.” We’re frozen in place as he starts unplugging the monitors around her. “Mrs. Whitaker’s bloodwork from last night was—we are short-staffed, and a new person came in when the one who took her blood went out. Well, they apparently misplaced the work, and we finally got the results—” His words are confusing, rushed, and must be a horrible joke.