Page 50 of The Logic of Loyalty

“What is happening? What are you trying to tell us?” This can’t be happening to us.

“Your wife’s liver is failing, and quickly. We do not have time for a natural birth, and her body cannot withstand an awake cesarean. There are no longer any other options. She may bleed out on the table or have massive, overreaching complications. We need to get this baby out immediately or risk both of their lives.”

Reality moves from having to beg for one doctor to see us, to suddenly having a room filled with doctors, and a terrified Paige sits in the center of it all. Pain, fear, and confusion bleed out from her. Her amalgam of emotions pull me in, but I’m physically pushed as they begin to take her away from me.

“Wait!” I leap after them and grab hold of her bed. “What are you doing? Why aren’t I getting a gown? Don’t I need a gown or something?” My voice hits an embarrassing squeak, but I couldn’t give less of a fuck.

“Mr. Whitaker, the nature of this procedure has become one of urgency. You cannot come with her.” They try to pry my hands off, but they’ll have to kill me before I let go.

My eyes clash with her lovely brown ones, and I reach for the hand she holds out to me. My beautiful, powerful Paige squeezes my hand and speaks up to comfort me. “I’ll be right back to you, Trevor. You’re my North Star, baby. I’ll always find my way to you.”

Before I can gather myself, they’re pulling her away, and her hand is ripped from mine. Doctors and nurses surround her bed as they wheel her out the door, completely blocking my view of her small form.

I’ve never been one to pray, but at this moment—the moment my wife and unborn child are pulled away from me to a place I cannot follow, where I have no control, no say, no way to help her—I drop to my knees and hang my head. With my palms together, I touch the tips of my fingers to my forehead and begin to pray to a man I’ve never spoken to before.

“Please, please. I will do anything and everything in my power to make sure that girl, my wife, my entire world, is returned to me safe and sound.”

I let my tears fall.

Present Day

“Trevor! Trevor, listen to me. Are you okay?” A familiar voice is calling my name while my body is jerked back and forth in a violent tug.

“Leave me alone.” My voice is raspy, barely audible. I’m distantly aware that I’m on the ground. The earth is cold and solid beneath me, but that doesn’t make sense.

What happened?

“Umph. You’re too damn heavy for such a lean dude.” The shock of my sister’s voice helps clear away the mental fog of those horrific memories.

“Bethany?”

Chapter Eighteen

TREVOR

Out of all the places I expected to be tonight, the passenger seat of my sister’s car is not one. I pull the stupid rock out again and smooth my thumb over it.

I had another panic attack, and my vision is fucked again because of it. I blink a few times as I consider the last twenty-four hours. I keep going over the same things, but the part that continues to evade me is how we got to this point.

Paige’s devastated yet quietly determined face flashes through my mind and wrecks me in the process. When did I become the person she needs protection against? Fuck.

I squeeze the rock until it bites into my fingers, and I try to halt my thoughts before I start to spiral all over again. I peek over at Bethany, who is holding the steering wheel with a death grip, hands firmly at ten and two. At first, when the truth of my situation started to penetrate the haze, I wanted to stay there, alone, in the dirt.

I run my fingers through my hair, then I tap the rock. I nearly left it when I followed Bethany to her car, but froze with my hand on the door handle and darted back to the place I threw it. I smooth its shiny sides and spin it around in my fingers. Why do I relate to a little rock so much?

The destruction my carelessness has brought to the lives of the people around me is overwhelming. I can’t be careless anymore. I can’t put anything off. I can’t take the easy route. I cannot lose my fucking family.

I look back at Bethany, but something dangling from the rearview mirror catches my eye. What the fuck? I stop messing with the rock, keeping it hidden in my lap, and let my attention bounce around the car. Wow. There are Pokémon everywhere. Never, in my twenty-two years of knowing her, would I have guessed this is Bethany’s car. This is not the car of a vapid rich girl. There are Poké Ball air fresheners in the vents. Pokémon dangling from the mirror, mats on the floor, and—I try to discreetly check the back seat. Yup. Pokémon stuffies are in the back seat.

I stop investigating the car and check on Bethany. Her eyes are on the road, her hands still tight on the wheel. “Pokémon, huh?”

She sighs and flashes a look at me before concentrating on the road. “Look, Paige and Jacob⁠—”

“Wait, where is Jacob?” I thought they were having an auntie date.

“Oh, Edna is hanging out with him for a little while. I needed some air.”

“The cook?” Bethany nods.