Page 48 of The Logic of Loyalty

“Are you in labor?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think so.”

“No, she doesn’t think so.”

“If you believe it’s an emergency, you may want to go to the nearest ER. Our offices close in just a few minutes.” The smooth cadence of her voice is meant to soothe, but it adds to my panic.

“No, please! We’ll be there in ten—” Paige sways a little, and my heart feels like it’s about to beat right out of my chest. “Please. God, Ma’am, please.”

“Sir, just a moment, please.”

“No!” The jarring melody of the hold music interrupts my words, and I start moving. “Baby, I’m going to help you into the seat, and we are going to go right now.” A small groan is the only confirmation I get, followed quickly by some mumbled nonsense about our home being a mess. I ignore whatever protests she’s making as the all-too-familiar sharp pang of guilt slices through me at her sweet voice calling our car our home.

That’s all you could give her.

“Sir?”

“Yes!” Shit. “Sorry. Sorry, what?”

“Sir, Dr. Sean said to come on in, and she’ll take a look before leaving for the day.” I’m clicking the seat belt for Paige while a sudden urge to cry hits. “Thank you.” My voice is hoarse, so I clear my throat. “Thank you. We will be there straight away.” I’m hitting the gas, somehow pulling out of Carter’s backyard with both speed and care. The most important part of my life sits in the seat next to me, but she says something is wrong, and she needs help now.

“I love you, Paige.” She reaches out and holds my shaking hand, steadying me, as always. Only, this time, her usually warm touch is clammy and cold as ice.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but your insurance didn’t go through. Do you have a different card for your wife? Maybe a secondary insurance?”

“It didn’t go … through.” My mind races through why that could happen, but it all comes back blank. The pen I’m holding creaks with the pressure of my clenched fist. “I’m, uh, I’m sorry, no. That doesn’t mean we can’t pay.” I rush to assure the woman behind the desk. “Please treat her with the best that you have. We have it covered, I-I promise.”

She nods and says some perfunctory, “Of course,” then types, adding something onto whatever it is on her screen.

I knock my knuckles twice on the counter before turning to our room, my mind immediately trying to work through how we’re going to get over this new monumental hurdle placed into our path. I haven’t been kicked off my parents’ insurance yet, but my college insurance doesn’t kick in until after the semester starts. The wait was fine because Paige was on her mom’s insurance. At least, she was up until her most recent check-up, yet suddenly, it’s no longer registering as active. Why would it no longer be active? Did her mother lose her job, or could she have dropped her daughter off of her plan?

I quietly open the door and take in the form of my extra fluffy, fitfully sleeping wife. Somehow, she’s gone from looking barely pregnant to looking like a beach ball in an extremely short amount of time—a very cute beach ball.

From the moment they took Paige’s blood pressure within a few minutes of arriving at the hospital, I’ve been stuck in slow motion while the world around me is moving in hyperspeed. I can’t keep up. I want to panic, but Paige needs me to remain strong, and I won’t let her down.

The pressure cuff wasn’t even off her arm before the nurse called in the doctor, and then our doctor was calling the hospital from a town over about an ambulance and another doctor. She was saying things I’ve never heard of, her tone calm but rushed. “We may need this baby to come out now, and we don’t have the facilities to hold a baby this young, or one this small.” My underweight, pregnant wife was possibly going to have her baby—our baby—three months early.

Two days later, and I’m standing at the nurse station, finally getting some paperwork completed now that the panic surrounding Paige’s condition has calmed.

Severe preeclampsia. That’s what they diagnosed her with. That was her headache. Her stats were through the roof. Her blood pressure read 239/190 when they finally started a drip with magnesium. They were able to stabilize her.

The biggest blessing is that we got her here, and our baby is perfectly healthy despite what is happening to his momma. So long as she remains stable with minimal intervention, she can remain pregnant. Apparently, every day the baby is still growing in Paige is worth three days out of it, so we’re crossing our fingers and thinking low blood pressure thoughts.

We will be here at the hospital until the day she delivers the baby. We’re hoping to make it at least two more months, but to be on the safe side, they’ve given her some steroid shots to help move along Jacob’s lung development. It’s not where either of us wants to be, but we’re here, where she and our son can be monitored twenty-four-seven. I recognize that we are in the best place for both of them for this very reason. Since our arrival, Paige has gained a concerning amount of weight, so initially noticing that gain was not just in my imagination, but they assure me—multiple times a day—that it’s normal.

But she’s uncomfortable, and I’m worried.

On my way to the brick they call a bed, I accidentally bump into one of the many monitors that surround her. She whimpers in her sleep at the loud sound. Shit. Dammit, you klutz. My feet are planted firmly in place, and I do not move while she settles back into her fitful rest. When her breathing evens out, I watch her beautiful, fluffy face run through a multitude of expressions. I can’t believe it’s been less than a year since I met her, but nothing about us feels new. She’s … everything to me. I don’t know how I managed in this life before she sauntered into it.

My brick beckons, so I settle in and close my eyes, visions of my love filling my mind as I immediately fall asleep. I sleep and dream of my happiness.

Paige and I are tangled up in the back of our car, and she’s laughing because she bumped her head while climbing on top of me.

“You okay, baby?” Concern laces my voice as I attempt to pat her head, but Paige nestles her shaking body against mine. We were in the middle of a heavy makeout session, moving things along, when a loud thud brought me immediately out of my one-track mind. I take in her beautiful face, the edges of her lips tipped in humor as her body lies flush against mine. She opens her mouth⁠—

A sharp scream throws me out of my dream and back into the current nightmare of our reality. Paige. I’m on my feet and at her side in a heartbeat.

“Paige! What—” Another scream cuts off my words, and I reach to her side and hit the nurse button. I wrap my hands around her far more swollen body in an effort to calm her. Her sharp intake of breath has me freezing in place. “Paige?” Her name falls from my lips as a question, and dread fills me with her possible reaction. She whimpers, and I lose my fucking mind.