Page 88 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

“No? You won’t even come out to discuss this?” King Iltith scanned the line of trees, then let out a long sigh. “Fine, I know a way to chase you out.” He made a sharp gesture, and the sky erupted.

Flying beasts, dozens of them, their pink wings spread, each carrying hissing green balls in their talons.

“Bombs!” I bellowed. “Take cover!”

The mountain erupted in blasts and the sickly smell of algae. Grabbing the mud, we retreated farther into the crag. A bloated button hit the ground without bursting and rolled to the mouth. Quickly, I took a fistful of mud and threw it on top of the burning bulb.

When the blast stopped, I heard an exaggerated yawn. “I can do this all day.”

“Gods help us, anything but more bombs,” I called, my voice echoing through the mountain pass. “If only there was some way to prepare for the one little trick you keep pulling.”

The echoes dissolved into all the laughter of my men. King Iltith’s fleet was more than likely thrice our size, but when echoed like this, there was no way to tell if we were a fleet of ten or ten thousand.

“You always were an arrogant bastard. Have it your way, we’ll drag you out!” King Iltith’s war horn bellowed—his army charged. The roar of his men was enough to shake the mountain pass, but they had taken the bait.

I gave the signal.

There was a snap, and Lokbaatar’s warriors unleashed boulders to landslide onto the path. Massive rocks tumbled down the steep slopes, crashing to the charging ranks. The narrow pass became a death trap as the enemy’s own momentum worked against them. The shield guard was crushed beneath the falling stone, and the front line of finbacks reared in panic, their massive bodies colliding in the confined space.

While their forces panicked, we dove on them from above, cutting down as many hoof soldiers as we could before they had a chance to regroup.

King Iltith’s mount, the biggest monster of them all with its jagged fangs and frothing jaws, lost its bluster and bucked wildly, trying to free itself and run. The warlord snarled, lashing his barbed whip across the beast’s neck.

“Be still, you wretched lizard!” he bellowed. The finback let out an enraged shriek, its claws digging grooves into the ground as it fought for balance.

King Iltith whipped it again, but then his gaze locked on to me, and his ruined face twisted into a leer. His mount barreled through the fray, its claws knocking men out of its path like twigs, its rider’s spear raised high in anticipation. He slowed, keeping the spear trained on me as he sucked in a long, savoring breath.

“Oh, how I’ve longed for this,” King Iltith sneered, raining in his beast to halt before me. “You know I really should be thanking you. A little birdie came and told me you’ve been keeping my future bride nice and warm until my arrival.”

My grip tightened on my sword. “What did you say?”

His grin widened. “Oh yes, a Biwban visited my camp and told me all about how they were searching for a particular male to match a female they had in their facility. Apparently she couldn’t stand the sight of her current match and needed a different male to come in and impregnate her.” He rested an arm over his saddle. “I do hate to keep a woman waiting, but tell me, what does my bride look like?”

“Subject B 94,” I breathed.

“Oh, don’t look so put-off. I’ll bring her your head to remember you by. She can look back on it fondly while she’s taking a real king’s cock.”

Rage burned through me like wildfire. “I’ll skin you alive before you lay a finger on her.”

The dinosaur’s claws raced toward me, but Lok intercepted, knocking me out of the way before slashing his spear across its muzzle. The dinosaur howled, recoiling, but King Iltith swung his spear downward in an arc. I barely ducked in time, feeling the wind of its passing.

I sliced off one of the beast’s hands before it managed to sink its daggerlike claws into Lok’s neck, but another rider had regained control of his beast to join the fray. Together the riders were too strong, too fast, and King Iltith laughed as he drove us back.

“Their forces are out in the open now,” King Iltith roared, thrusting his whip toward the sky. “Bombers, again!” Flying beasts wheeled overhead, their talons clutching those vile, hissing bombs.

“Take a good look, Osid. I am the last face you’ll ever see,” he taunted, raising his spear for the killing blow—

THOOM!

A deafening blast slammed into him.

King Iltith’s body jerked as the projectile struck his breastplate, hurling him clean off his mount. He hit the ground with a bone-crushing impact, his spear clattering away.

His finback roared in fury, but the skies screamed again. Not with the flying beasts this time, but with the engines of Biwbanian hovercrafts. One broke off from the rest to fire indiscriminately in the air above us. The fliers erupted in midair, their wings shredding as plasma fire tore through them. Green bombs detonated prematurely in bursts of fire, raining charred hair and gore onto the battlefield below.

Riders were blasted off their mounts before being trampled under clawed feet. The shield guard discovered quickly that metal wouldn’t save them, and most abandoned their heavy shields to make a run for it.

King Iltith gripped the whip still in his hand, rolled to his hooves, and started toward his panicked finback and lashed at its legs. “Obey me, you worthless—”