Page 89 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

The finback, mad with fear and pain, turned on him. Its jaws snapped shut around his torso. With a sickly crunch, he was ripped in half.

Its master’s blood still dripping from its maw, the beast turned its attention to me. Its massive jaws opened wide before it lunged—only for a familiar one-armed billjaw to intercept it in a thunderous collision. The finback tried to lash at Sunbeam with its remaining good arm, but the billjaw ripped it clean off before lunging at her opponent’s throat, sinking rows of teeth into the tender flesh. There was a snap and then silence before the beast fell to the ground dead.

The invaders dissolved into chaos. The remaining finbacks stampeded, trampling their own warriors in a frenzy to escape. Hovercrafts shot after the remaining forces, obliterating anyone not smart enough to flee.

Eyes alight with hunger, Sunbeam started toward the retreating forces before pausing to look back at me. She gestured behind her and asked, “Food?”

Lok and I looked at each other before nodding. “Food.”

With a joyful hiss, she took off.

One of the ships descended, landing gracefully in front of me. The hatch hissed open, and I found the woman who had been haunting my mind crammed tight into the front seat. She placed her hands on the side of the hovercraft and pushed. Then blew out a breath and raised her arms to me. “I’m stuck! Husband, help me!”

Baffled, I approached and lifted her out of the tight seat. “What are you doing here?”

She rolled her eyes at me. “Aside from making future warfare on this planet completely skewed in our direction? Saving your ass, clearly.”

I pulled her into my arms, laughing breathlessly against her hair. She melted against me like we were made for it and kissed my neck.

“Are you all right?” she asked.

“Better now.” Exceedingly now that Subject B 94 is in pieces on the ground.

“Not to interrupt this touching moment,” Lok said, coming to stand behind us. The general was smiling, but waves of anger could be felt coming off him. “Is my Stardust in one of those ships?”

Blair paled as she took in his imposing form. “Maybe…”

Another ship descended, and the latch opened to reveal the woman in question. Her face was flushed, eyes bright with excitement. Half the front seat was completely torn off. Presumably to make room for the lion that had squashed itself into the tight space, both paws clamped so firmly down on the control panel it was a wonder it didn’t snap under the weight. A blinking red symbol flashed in the air above it. “We did it!” Dory cheered. “See, I told you it would work!”

Lokbaatar’s eyes were slits as he answered her. “I see. So it was your idea to throw yourself in danger. Again.”

“Oh, calm down. I’m in a freaking ship with laser guns, it was hardly a fair—”

“Again.”

Dory huffed, then gestured to the beast beside her. “I brought Toto!”

At his name, the lion thrashed himself free and leapt from the pod. He paced in quick, restless strides, muscles rippling under golden fur. “Did you see me?” he asked Lok. “Tell me you saw me! I had full control of the button. I pressed it more than anyone. I had the best button!”

“Yeah, we ran out of plasma in the first two minutes because of you,” said Dory.

The general still hadn’t taken his eyes off his wife, but the lion didn’t seem to mind or care. “I have killed so many flesh birds. Look at this carnage!” he trilled, then spun around to roar at the backs of the retreating army. Whipping his head back to the spacecraft, he asked. “You will tell my queen of my feats today?”

Dory slumped in her seat. “For the last time, Toto, yes. In detail.”

“Good girl!”

Without a word, Lok walked toward her. His wife looked him in the eye, then started the craft up. “Toto, get back in the car.” The lion leapt in, and she closed the hatch. “Blair, I’ll see you back in Frittata when you’re done. Bye.”

Lok shot after her just as the ship pulled off the ground.

Blair held my face in her hands. “We won, but somehow I still feel like things are unfinished. Is it weird that I miss the after-challenge confetti?”

I knew what she meant. After our time in The Crucible, it was almost strange not to have an announcer monologuing our progress. Now, when she put her lips on mine, there was no affection meter to declare the feelings she kept hidden. But I never was one to back down from a challenge.

“That’s because we aren’t done,” I answered. “I still owe you a severed head, remember?”

She looked around the battlefield with distaste. “Just give me some goddamn flowers and call it a day.”