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“She swore up and down afterward I was gay. Told me I made her my beard.” He’d had to Google the term afterward. “I didn’t think I was, but man, I was so confused by then, I went to a male strip show and gave some gay porn a go. But it didn’t do it for me either.”
Robby dipped his chin. “You’re saying you’re asexual.”
It was a term he’d come across in his exhaustive internet search. “I used to think so. Until I started spending time with you.” He bit at the nail on his thumb. “At first, it was like I found the first guy friend I ever had, but somewhere along the way—maybe when I went to your place the night we first kissed—I started feeling something else.”
“So, you went out and kissed another guy.” The edge was back in Robby’s voice.
“Don’t you get it? I didn’t want it to be you.”
Robby’s head reared back. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing. You are the first person I have ever wanted to touch me. But what if I messed it up? I ruin a chance to be a normal personanddestroy the only real friendship I have.”
“You’re already a normal person. Cishet doesn’t meannormal.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do. You don’t think you’re normal.”
“You want to psychoanalyze me, or you want to talk about what’s going on between us?” The words came out way harsher than he intended. “Sorry. This is already hard for me. Can you please let me get through it?”
Robby nodded.
“I went to a bar. Danced with a few guys. One of them kissed me. I wanted to want it, but it felt nothing like when I kissed you. Drunk or sober, with you I want it. I think maybe I started drinking to give myself an excuse to do what I’d been fantasizing about without considering the consequences. But I wanted it. I wanted you. Both times. All the time.”
“I’ve been crazy about you since the day we met,” Robby admitted.
Holy cow. How could he have missed it? “I didn’t know.”
Robby rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, I think you were the only one who didn’t. Brick figured it out almost right away. Kane too.”
His heart sped up. “Do they know about—?”
“Our kisses? No. Would it be a problem if they did?”
Part of him wanted to keep it quiet; the other part wanted to shout it to the world. “I’d like us to figure out what this is first, if it’s okay with you. I’m not ashamed of you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I think you’re amazing, but I’m a private person. I spend a lot of time in my own head.”
“Okay.” Though there was obviously some hesitation there. “What do you want to do about us?”
Matt shrugged. “I don’t know anything about how to be in a relationship, and I don’t know how I feel about getting physical beyond kissing. It’s all kind of—intimidating to me. I would like to see where it goes, though, if you’re willing. If you don’t think it will ruin our friendship, and if you don’t mind going slowly with me.”
Robby nibbled on his bottom lip as he considered his answer. “I never let myself believe anything could ever really happen between us. With your son in the picture, I figured you were straight, and I had no shot in a million years. Iwanta shot, though, if you’re offering me one. I can be patient if you can be honest.”
“There’s nothing left to tell, I swear, but I won’t hold anything back if you won’t.” He reached out and folded Robby’s hand in his. The returning squeeze echoed through him.
Robby looked at their joined hands, then back up to his eyes. “What now?”
“More kissing?” Matt lifted his eyebrows.
“There are worse places to start.” Robby slid closer and wound his free hand around the back of Matt’s neck.
Matt closed the distance between them before Robby had a chance to lean forward. A gentle brush of the lips, and he could taste a hint of mint. Another gentle sweep, this time lingering a bit longer.
Long enough for Robby to take control of the action. No longer holding himself back, he revved up the contact and released Matt’s hand to pull him flush against his chest.
It was even better than it was the other night, because now, no alcohol dulled the sensations. Even better, Robby wasn’t fighting it anymore. The man was all in.
Every inch of his skin felt hypersensitive beneath the touch of Robby’s hands. Strong hands. Gripping his biceps. Squeezing as they moved down. Clutching his hips.
