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I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. Right now, Lara being upset is my main concern.
When I glance up to find her again, she’s disappeared into the thick grove.
“I’ll be back,” I tell Jax.
Lara needs me.
CHAPTER 13
LARA
I thoughtI had a hold of myself. But seeing Nikolai and Mila, with those shiny new gold bands on their fingers, just made me feel shitty all over again.
Every time I turn around, no matter how hard I try, it seems like I’m being pushed away or left out.
Am I not good enough? Am I too fat and they’re embarrassed by me?
My hand reflexively reaches down and pinches the soft skin of my belly through my shirt.
Probably. It has to be something like that?
What is wrong with me?
Tears stream down my face and leave a salty burn on my lips.
All I want is to be wanted. Not ostracized by my own family.
This hurts so fucking bad.
When I hear the footsteps behind me, it irritates me knowing I don’t have any peace and quiet. “Alexei, I don’t have the patience right now,” I say without turning around.
I love him, but trying to explain to him why I’m needing to get away could be exhausting.
Knowing all he wants is to make me happy, I know it isn’t fair to him.
But right now, I want more than a joke or a treat.
I just want someone to make me forget the pain. To distract me so I can disconnect from this doubt and self-loathing.
To tell me it isn’t my fault.
The crunching of the leaves on the dry ground gets louder.
Leaning against a tree, my arms cross in frustration. “Alexei, unless you’re here to bend me over and make me forget my name, I’d really like some time alone,” I say, maybe just half sarcastically.
If only. It’s hard to ignore how crazy hot Alexei is sometimes.
The little bit of wine I had this morning on an empty stomach would give me a sense of courage I normally don’t have.
A strange click comes from behind me.
“Alexei, please?”
Something cold and metal presses against the back of my neck.
“I don’t know why you keep calling his name, he isn’t going to save you. But you keep begging. I like it.” The deep voice has a tinge of an accent that I know too well.
I freeze, my stomach rolling in panic. “What do you want?”
