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‘But not really…’ he says, and I laugh as he opens the bottle of champagne and pours us a couple of glasses. ‘We also need to talk about Leo,’ he says, clinking my glass and taking a long sip.
I also take a sip. Lordy, this is what the other half drink? It goes down a little too well. ‘What about Leo?’
‘I’ll be upfront. Frank has heard him crying in his room.’
I bite my lip to hear it, aching that I’ve not heard anything from him since Boxing Day. ‘He may not have been crying about me, he may have been watching something very sad on the television.’
‘Yes, Maggie. Leo has always been the sort of man to chuck on a boxset in the middle of the day and have an open sob.’
‘Don’t,’ I plead. ‘I feel shit enough as it is.’
He tops up my glass. ‘Did you two…you know…’
‘Have sex? Anything but…’
He puts a hand to the air. ‘I don’t need any more details, please.’ He puts his glass down and picks up a cucumber maki. ‘I had thought the saddest thing might be that you’d all have to cope without me…’
‘It isn’t?’ I say.
‘No. The saddest thing would be if you and Leo can’t be salvaged. I think Frank is more upset about that than the possible redundancy. Have you spoken to Leo?’ I shake myhead. I’m too scared, too ashamed. ‘Talk to him. Move on from this. You must.’
‘I’ll see him at work on the second.’
‘You know what I mean,’ he says, pointing to chastise me. ‘Anyway, you have to make amends with him somehow otherwise my gift won’t make any sense.’
‘Gift?’ I ask him curiously.
He gets up and reaches into one of the bags he bought, pulling out a rectangular gift wrapped in star wrapping paper, a beautiful tag in the centre with my name on. I peel away the paper and it’s a collage of photos from the last week. In amongst them are three selfies: Frank and me at his sister’s wedding, Jasper, Miles and me with our trio of fox cubs, and finally Leo and me in the Lakes with a donkey. I don’t quite know what to say.
‘I got the photos from the group chat,’ he tells me.
‘You got the donkey one.’
‘Look at you, like Dr Dolittle,’ he laughs.
‘It was either this or a photo of me you can hang in the office when I’m gone.’ And I laugh through my tears, holding the frame up. I can’t stop looking at it, my eyes wide in wonder. ‘Love you, Maggie,’ he says, reaching over to hug me.
‘Love you too, Jassy Bear,’ I say from over his shoulder.
He laughs. ‘Yeah, that’s still not a thing.’
THIRTY-FOUR
3rd January
‘And this is us at the top of the Empire State Building,’ Jan from HR says, showing me a photo of her, hair windswept, wearing a shiny purple puffer jacket with a man I will assume is her husband. ‘And this is us on the ferry to Staten Island…and with a hot dog…and we went to watch a basketball game. The men were very tall.’
She flicks through the photos assuming that I may be interested. I am really sorry, Jan, but I’m anything but. I adjust my eyes to the bright lights of being above ground level, taking in the loftiness of this boardroom with its large desk, wheely chairs and jugs of water and glasses. I also take in the magnificence of its visual-audio capabilities, which we helped to set up. Inside and throughout the office, all the decorations remain up like some painful reminder that Christmas has gone, a tree still sparkling at me in the corner, surrounded by fake gifts.
It’s a big day today, one that required me to be semi-smart in a jacket and a stud earring. I fiddle nervously, tucking my hair behind my ear, my palms sweaty. I look down at all thedocuments in front of me, completed, signed and dated. I also look over at the tray of sandwiches and cookies. Egg mayo for Jasper, his favourite.
‘And what did you do for the holidays?’ Jan asks, and I snap back into the room for a moment and look at her. Jan is always formal, always in heels with tan tights and a shirt buttoned up to the neck.
‘Oh, I spent it with friends,’ I tell her, a lump stuck in my throat. ‘It was nice.’ She looks over at me, half expecting me to get photos out but I don’t. I’m not sure if she wants stories of how I was a fake bridesmaid for a day, how I got bitten by a fox, and found and lost a new love. I’m not sure if we have the time. ‘Actually, it was amazing.’
‘Good. Always nice to have a break,’ she says, scanning the documents in front of her. ‘Any plans for the summer yet? I’m off to Croatia, people are telling me marvellous things about Croatia.’
‘They invented pens, you know. The Croatians.’
