Page 57 of When We Crash


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The lake house was a few hours away, according to Tracey. Halfway through the ride, Noa and Ralph were sleeping, and the music had been turned down. I watched the tree line as we drove.

When Noa stirred, I looked down, watching as she opened her eyes. That moment—when she realized it was me she was looking at—was the best. Like I was the only thing that mattered; the only thing that brought her happiness.

“How much longer?” she asked, her voice heavy with sleep.

“I think another hour or so.”

She settled back into me, tucking her hands under her chin and closing her eyes. There was a moment where I watched her, but eventually my own eyes closed.

Forty-five minutes later Tracey squealed, waking us all up. We were pulling onto a winding driveway, and at the end stood an impressive home—larger than the one I lived in.

“No way,” I said, my eyes wide, taking it all in.

“My thoughts exactly,” Noa said beside me.

“Best place on Earth.” Ralph turned to us, smiling broadly. “It’s been a while, but I still remember the awesome hot tub.”

Noa and I exchanged looks.

A hot tub?

“I thought my parents owned a store. How is this possible?” I asked Tracey.

“Your parents met in law school. They became pretty successful lawyers but when they had you. Your mom stayed home with you. After a while, your dad decided practicing law was taking too much time away from his family. He’d always been good about money. Had plenty of it invested and saved. So, he bought the house, bought the store, and you guys lived happily ever after.”

Except they’re dead.

I was sure everyone was thinking along the same lines because it was quiet as we parked the car. Even after we grabbed our bags, heading up the steps, we were quiet.

When Tracey opened the door and we set our things down in the entranceway, I took a look inside the house. There were pictures all over the walls. Pictures filled with smiles from a younger me, a more current me, my parents, and Tracey.

Ralph was in one or two along with another boy. I stared at a picture with the three of us boys for a while. Ralph walked up, standing next to me. We both stared at the photo.

“Who is that?” I asked, trying to remember. I could feel it just in front of me, but I couldn’t place him. I closed my eyes in frustration.

“He was a friend of ours.” Ralph’s voice sounded curt, despite the sadness behind it.

I looked at him, waiting for him to continue. “Where is he?”

Before Ralph could answer, Tracey cleared her throat. “You guys want to go ahead and pick rooms? Dexter, yours is already set up.” She turned away and turned back, remembering that I wouldn’t remember. “Up the stairs, first door on the left.” Then, she walked back out.

I looked around for Noa, who stood behind us. She was frowning at the picture as well. And when Ralph stepped back, she sent him a confused expression. After a few moments, she shook her head—as if to rid herself of whatever puzzling thought she was thinking—and grabbed her duffel, then headed up the stairs.

I followed suit, and when I got to the top of the steps, I saw aDon the first door on the left. I opened it and knew I’d been in here before. I blinked a few times, thinking the image would fade—the nostalgia, the sadness.

But this house held secrets.

Am I remembering as Dexter?

Is the Grim Reaper giving me that as well? Some of Dexter’s memories?

“Hey,” Noa said from the doorway. “I think we’re going out to the lake soon.” She came over and wrapped her arms around my waist.

Even though I felt like I was losing my mind, falling into Alice’s rabbit hole, I kissed Noa on top of her head and pretended all was well. “Do you like it here?”

“Are you kidding? I never thought I’d be in a place like this, ever. Thank you so much for making my birthday such a big deal. It makes me feel important.”

“You are important.” I didn’t want to tell her we all loved her. I hadn’t told herIloved her yet. I didn’t want to scare her.

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