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“If you’re looking for imperfections, stick around,” she said, taking my coat from me and hanging it on a hook just inside the nurses’ area.
For the next three hours, I stole moments to admire Noa while she played with patients and helped with whatever the nurses needed. Some of the kids were too sick to play so she read to them or watched television with them.
“How often do you do this?” I asked as we grabbed our coats and headed to the elevators.
She waited until we were in the privacy of the elevator to answer, pressing the button to the main floor. “I started recently. I try to come once a week because of the holiday season. People need people, you know?”
We walked out into the main lobby, and I was so entranced by her sheer honesty that I almost missed the familiar face in front of us.
“Dex? Noa?” Sessie looked at the both of us. “I didn’t know you knew each other.” She pulled Noa into a hug and then me.
“Hi, Sessie,” Noa said with a smile.
I wanted to catch her eye, but it seemed like she was looking anywhere but me. So, I focused on Sessie.
“My two favorite patients,” Sessie said. “My miracles. You playing nice, Dex? This one’s special.”
Patients?
“Of course,” I answered, pretending to sound wounded. “I’m already learning how special she is.”
Sessie seemed to like that answer because her smile broadened. “Well, you visit me whenever you’d like. That goes for both of you. I’m clocking out, and I’m dying to get off my feet. I’ll see you around.” She waved and walked out.
Don’t ask her how she knows Sessie. She doesn’t owe you anything.
Noa might have known Sessie from volunteering. But I hadn’t misheard the nurse.
Her two favoritepatients.
I wanted to know. I wanted to know everything there was to know. And I knew I hadn’t miscalculated when she lied to me earlier.
Miracles.
We’re both miracles.
But why is she so secretive about something I’ve already made known to her?
Any question she’d asked of me, I answered. And yet, I was afraid to ask her anything. She was so closed off, I was afraid to even attempt to open her up.
She stopped just outside the door and held out her hand. “Thanks for coming to help,” she said stiffly.
I shook my head at the sight of her hand held out toward me, keeping mine in my pockets.
Fuck this.
“I’m not going to shake your hand because it doesn’t reflect how I feel about you at all, and it isn’t the way I want to say goodbye to you,” I told her.
Her eyes narrowed at my statement, at my rejection of her cowardly way out.
“Am I missing something?” I asked. “You were fine a minute ago.”
“Look, you have questions. I can feel you practically begging me to tell you how I know Sessie, but I’m not ready to share. And what if I’m only okay with a handshake?” She started to back away from me, the confusion on her face becoming determination. “I can’t do this. Not when I’ve been good for this long.”
“And, what? I’m bad?” I asked, finally demanding answers from her. I’d done nothing to deserve this backlash just because I wanted to know her. I had questions, sure, but they were unvoiced. She couldn’t fault me for that. “I’ve treated you with respect, given you your space. What makes you think I’m a bad person?”
“No…ugh, this isn’t coming out right. You could ruin it all for me, Dexter. I’m fine with the way things are now, but you could change that. You make me want more.”
“Youshouldwant more, Noa. You should want the world,” I nearly shouted at her.
