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“I don’t,” I snap, but as I hear the words echo back at me, I don’t know if I can believe them.
She shrugs. “Perhaps, but he loves you.”
Tears sting and I shake my head. “He doesn’t.”
“Maybe you’re forgetting what he does for you, to be with you,” she says carefully, and my brows draw together.
“How can you know that?” I ask, crossing my arms.
She sighs, her hand lingering on the doorknob. “Get out of your head and just follow your heart.” She turns and leaves, leaving me alone with my spiraling, stupid thoughts as I realize she might have a point. I don’t have the best track record in dating, always finding something wrong when it becomes too serious. But do I really want to leave Adrian?
I glance at my phone. Another text from Adrian.
Kitten? Are you doing better?
Pulling my knees to my chest as tears sting my eyes, I dial his number.He picks up on the second ring but doesn’t say anything. I close my eyes and take a slow breath. “You hurt me.”
“I know, Kitten, and I’m so sorry. Are you alone right now?” he asks.
“I don’t want this,” I whisper.
“Let me pick you up. Please, I need to see you.” His voice breaks, and tears roll over my cheeks.
“Please don’t yell at me. I know how you feel about my drinking.”
“I’ll never yell at you.” He keeps his voice gentle and low. “I hate thinking about your being in trouble in a place I can’t help you. It drives me insane.”
I take a slow breath.
“Do you still want to come over tonight?” he asks softly.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
I think of how I flirted with Sean, that I went out and drank so much I got drugged. This is such a mess. But then I think of us at my sister’s wedding. How he’d stood up for me without my needing to ask. The way he wastherein every way that wasn’t sexual.
I think of him taking me to the diner to sober me up, how he cooked for me, remembering all the details I laid out and following through. How we’d laughed together and talked about literature between rounds of sex.
He sighs. “Clarissa and I aren’t anything to each other. Yes, she kissedme. It didn’t mean anything, Emily. I pushed her off me and then she left. I came running after you, but you’re faster than you look.” Another sigh falls as I nibble on my bottom lip, unsure what to do.
“It’s your choice, Emily. I’m not going to force you to spend time with me. I’m not going to force you to believe me. That’s your choice,” he says simply.
“Would you have come here if… if Beth hadn’t told you not to?”
“I was already outside, Kitten.”
My chest aches as I take a deep breath. “Tonight… give me like thirty minutes to get ready.”
“Let me pick you up,” he says.
I gulp. “No, I can drive.”
“You sure?”
I take a shaky breath. “Yeah, I’m sure. See you in a bit.”
I hang up and I stare at my phone. I don’t know what to do with Adrian. We’re in some kind of exclusive sexual relationship, but he wants me every weekend. He said we couldn’t do dates, but that’s what being at his house feels like. Now he’s willing to track me down by going to frats or coming to my dorm when he’s worried about me. That’s not someone who’s only about sex.
And even if it’s a little controlling …
