AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She shakes her head, decided on her opinion. “My advice is to not let it. Stop before it’s too late.”
I don’t answer that part, because if I did, I’d have to admit that it’s already too late.
Suddenly the sink full of dishes looks way more interesting than it did before. I’m grateful when she doesn’t call me out on avoiding the conversation further.
“Taking them to the vet!” She screams at her television. I smile to myself. “These stupid people.”
22
Autumn
Space is exactly what we need, I know that. I freak out every time we’re in close proximity. I make this thing between us even more complicated, and I always feel like an idiot for not saying more.
Or for not sayingless.
I should take this back and forth as proof that we should stop trying to make a friendship work, but I can’t bear the thought of losing him.
I’ve tried texting.I typed up fifty different messages, going about it in every way I could think, and none of them felt right.
Hey, how's it going?
Do you want to grab lunch tomorrow?
Can you erase the other day from your memory so we can pretend everything is normal and fine andnotsexually tense?
I couldn’t get myself to press send on any of them. So here I am, on a Saturday night, drinking wine out of the bottle andfeeling sorry for myself. Elaine is sitting on my lap, feeling pretty sorry for me too. Her paw rests on my arm, which is her best attempt to comfort me while she sleeps. Her constant purring keeps me calmer than I should be.
She really is special.
I keep hoping I’ll hear a knock on my door and open it to his gorgeous face. His stupid, gorgeous face that I can’t do anything with. Of all the times he’s shown up at my door unannounced, why can’t he do it right now?
I know why. I know we’re on the edge of a cliff, and I know we’re starting to slip.
I need to get it through my head that this isn’t some romance novel I’m writing. If he did miraculously show up, it wouldn’t change our circumstances. It wouldn’t erase the past.
I’m not sure when I start crying, but one swipe at my wet cheeks tells me it’s going to be a long night.
I’ve been putting off my friends, because they want updates I don’t have to give. They still think this is cute and exciting, instead of a complete disaster.
I know they care. I know they want to hear what’s going on, even if it disappoints them. I know I can rely on them when I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts, and right now I really don’t.
“I’m so fucked,” I cry into the phone the second they answer and greet me.
They both speak at once with their concern, or in Reya’s case, excitement.
“What’s wrong?”
“What did you and Miles do?”
Hearing his name come out of her mouth makes the tears fall faster, and soon enough I’m crying so hard that words aren’t possible.
“Shit. I’ll be right there, okay?”
“Me too! Hang in there, babe.”
“Wine always makes you cry,” is the first thing Vic says when she sees the bottle.
“That’s so true,” I admit. Maybe even my subconscious knew I needed to let it out.
