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I tried to re-settle into the bench and looked around, taking my mind off the topic and off of Ella. I recognized many of the families in attendance, but just as many of these people were strangers to me. And why wouldn’t they be? I’d been gone for eight years. It was strange how I could come home and everything felt the same. Maybe I was the one who had changed.
I loved this church. It had a Gothic type of feel, and that always made me smile. It had taken years of growing up for me to realize that most Christian churches didn’t have Gothic elements. This one had floor-to-ceiling windows that peered out at the cemetery, currently letting in rays of bright sunshine.
There was a little round staircase at the back of the church that went to the second floor, which hadn’t been used since I was a kid. I thought about how Ella, Greg, my brothers, and I had taken every opportunity to sneak up to the second floor. It wasn’t that interesting, just dusty old benches. People said it wasn’t stable, but despite their worries that the whole thing would collapse, the creaking floors had always made me want to go up there.
Pastor Jones kept speaking, but my mind was in the past. I thought of summer picnics at this church, around the side with the gazebo. Every Easter there would be eggs hidden on the top of the gazebo, and we would always try to figure out how to get them down. This usually consisted of climbing onto each other’s shoulders.
I couldn’t believe Ella had moved back to this town. That said, I could believe she had inherited her grandmother’s lake house. Was she making any changes to it? Her parents had lefther and Greg with her grandparents most of the time, so I’d known them well. When her grandfather had passed when we were all twelve, I remembered coming to the funeral and crying.
Of course, thinking about a funeral made me think about Greg.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a figure moving into the cemetery. I only saw her for a fraction of moment, but my heart skipped a beat.
Ella. She was here.
My thoughts twisted, and then I realized what day it was. I snatched the church program out of Jason’s hands; he had folded it into a paper plane.
He elbowed me. “Hey.”
Ignoring him, I confirmed the date: June 29th. I usually thought of Greg on this day. Sometimes I would think about this day months in advance. Other times, it would sneak up on me.
I handed the program back and then stood, quietly walking out of the church. I had to find her. It was how I’d always felt about Ella. If she was around, I wanted to be with her, even after all this time.
Chapter Six
Ella
I kneeled by my brother’s grave and wiped off the dust that had accumulated since I’d been here last Sunday. His face was engraved in the stone, right next to his name: Gregory Allen Klein. My grandmother had insisted on the engraving. I hadn’t really understood it back then, but I kind of liked it now. Ever since I’d moved back, I’d made a habit of visiting his grave every week, and each time the pain of his loss was waiting for me.
“Hey,” I began, trying to visualize him standing beside the headstone. “Today’s the day you left this earth. The day I lost you.”
I seated myself beside the grave, crossing my legs and moved my summer dress over my knees. Every day, it felt more like summer.
“I have news. I saw …” I was almost embarrassed to say it out loud. “I saw Noah yesterday. Remember how I told you Will Armstrong had a heart attack? Noah’s back in town because of that. It sounds stupid, but when I saw him, I actually put my hand on his shoulder and told him I was sorry about his dad. And you wouldn’t believe that Kayla came to my house today. It still feels weird to call it my house.”
I leaned back, pushed my hands into the grass, and tipped my head back to the sky as I closed my eyes. “She yelled at me and told me not to touch him. Said it messed with his mind.” I snorted. “I guess I’m good at messing with both of our minds. Because I don’t know, bro. I thought trying to push him out of my life would help me forget what happened. It hasn’t.”
I felt tears welling up, and I let them evaporate in the heat of the sun on my face. This was as close to my brother as I could get. My grandparents had always brought Greg and me to church. It just felt right to believe that God was there and Jesus loved me.
I hadn’t gone to church often. When I was married, we’d tried to go a few times, but Brian thought it was lame. We’d always talked about finding a church that both of us could like and that we could raise kids in. Not that he’d wanted kids.
Brian must have sensed that I was thinking about him again, because my phone buzzed with another call from him. I declined it.
He was quick to text me.I know this is a hard day for you. Thinking of you.
That jerk. Just when I thought I was over him, he did something nice. If only it could make up for all the other things he’d done.
Another text came in. I resisted at first, then checked it.
El, if you don’t come home, I’m going to come there. I have to see you. Things are not finished between us, and you know it.
I let out an irritated sigh and typed back.We are divorced.
I love you and I need you.
We are through. Stop texting me.
I need some documents for insurance. You need to find a copy of our marriage license and send it to me.
