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‘And have you found the secrets, of your destiny?’Sue sat at the table and downed a glass of water, a slight sheen glossing her forehead.
‘Well, I’m learning. They say to secure a successful future you have to watch for signs in your life and follow them. They call them ‘Destiny’s Signposts’.’ Miranda made quote signs in the air with curled fingers.
‘Hmm...’ Sue Sheppard always glazed over when Miranda spoke about a new craze, or a new fad she was getting into.
‘So, for example, if you’ve been thinking of a friend, then you bump into them or they call you, it must be significant.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Like, they might tell you something that’s important in your life right now, or introduce you to someone who’ll be important in your life. So, it’s about being aware and taking notice when these things happen, and being open to the opportunities that result.’ Despite her injuries and limited range of motion, her hands still joined in the conversation, waving about in front of her, albeit in a more restrained fashion.
‘Well, darling, I’m glad you’re feeling positive about things.’
‘It’s not just about feeling positive, it’s about understanding how the universe works, and becoming aligned with the power around us.’ Miranda realised she was talking too much upon seeing her mother’s wide-eyed face; as though she’d just revealed she was going to become a Buddhist monk. ‘Sorry Mum, I shouldn’t ramble on, it’s the kind of thing you need to read yourself to understand.’
Sue interlocked her fingers on the edge of the table and took a breath. ‘My philosophy has always been to just focus on now. Prepare for tomorrow, and the next day, yes, but putyour focus on thepresent. Otherwise, where is your life? If you’re not living it now, when will you be?’
‘That’s true.’ Miranda nodded.
‘No matter what happens, you have to keep bringing yourself back to the present moment. Too much worrying about the future or wondering about the past only causes distress. The best way to get on with life is to, well, get on with it!’ On that note, Sue got up and started packing away the groceries. ‘Oh no, what happened?’ She pointed to the glass fragments.
Miranda wandered over. ‘My friend’s son accidentally broke it.’
Sue eyed her daughter with concern, as if waiting for the tears she too thought would come. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I think so. I mean, I’m sad about it, but...’ She shrugged then winced.
‘Got any super glue?’
‘For my ribs?’ Miranda joked, then pointed behind her mother. ‘Second drawer.’
‘Here, let’s see if we can put it back together.’
‘Don’t worry, Mum. It won’t be the same.’
‘Don’t be silly. We can fix it.’ She laid out a sheet of newspaper and arranged the pieces like a jigsaw puzzle. ‘Here, you hold this.’ Miranda held one piece in place while her mum held the other until the glue set, and repeated it for the remaining pieces. Just like they’d held each other together throughout their lives ... the grief, like the glue, uniting them. They weren’t a perfectly formed family with Miranda’s father gone and the ache of his absence staining the air around them, but they stood strong nonetheless. ‘There.’ Sue sat the mended butterfly against the wall where its wings caught the light through the window and sparkled. ‘It’s a bit like life, really,’ she said. ‘Sometimes things break, but you put them back together again as best you can. It doesn’t have to be perfect.’
Miranda tilted her head and smiled at the butterfly, seeing it from a new perspective, glad her mother had insisted on repairing it. Maybe she gave up too easily sometimes. If something wasn’t going to bejust right,she often didn’t bother. Her butterfly wasn’t the same as before, but it was still standing, and its wings still sparkled. Were her standards too high, in life and in love? She glanced at her mother whose gaze also rested on the statue, though her mind seemed elsewhere. ‘How do you do it Mum?’ Miranda asked.
‘Do what?’
‘Cope on your own. I mean, do you think you’ll ever find another man?’
Sue took a sack of apples from the shopping bag. ‘I’ve become so used to being by myself, it’s hard to imagine opening up my world to another person. Sometimes I wonder about it, I mean, it would be nice, but...’ She opened the sack of apples and placed them one by one in the fruit bowl. ‘...it’s harder at my age, I just don’t know if it’s worth it. I have my part-time job, my friends, book club, not to mention Mum and Dad to look after. I’m settled, and...’ She leaned on the kitchen bench, redness swelling up in her eyes. ‘Your father was the love of my life, Miranda. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was, how luckywewere, to have such a wonderful man in our lives. And then he was gone, just like that.’ She clicked her fingers and turned away, wiping her eyes with her hand.
Miranda moved closer to her mother, placing a hand on her back.
Sue turned to face her. ‘I guess I neverbelieved I’d find anyone that measured up to him. Every time I met a man after your dad died, I’d keep saying, ‘He’s not Brian, he’s not Brian.’ I couldn’t let go, don’t think Iwantedto let go. It was easier somehow to just get on with things.’ Sue gave a teary smile. ‘Plus, I had a beautiful daughter depending on me. I had to be strong.’ She patted Miranda’s face, and resumed packing away the groceries.
Another realisation dawned inside Miranda. She too, measured every man she met against her father, and no one was ever good enough. She wanted a man her dad would’ve approved of, someone who’d be a great husband and father like he’d been.
‘Darling, you’ll find your love. When the time is right, someone will enter your life, I’m sure of it,’ Sue said, as though reading her daughter’s mind. ‘Oh, I have a little something for you.’ She scurried over to her handbag and removed an envelope, handing it to Miranda.
‘What’s this?’
‘I was going to give it to you for your thirtieth birthday, but considering you have some time off work, I thought you could make use of it sooner rather than later.’
Miranda opened the envelope. It was a gift voucher for a one-week indulgence package at Serenity Retreat in Byron Bay. Accommodation, meals, and activities included. ‘Oh, wow! Mum, thank you.’ Miranda’s eyes took in the pictures on the enclosed brochure; a room overlooking the beach, tiny fish swimming in rock pools, people doing yoga on a hilltop, and a woman relaxing on a deck watching the sunset.
