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“Everything happens for a reason.” I shrug in hopes of deterring her excitement about whatever it is she’s trying to do here.
“Maybe so, but my feelings are still the same, Beau. Tell me you feel as strongly about us as I do.” She takes my hand, setting it on her leg; our fingers intertwine in the process and my thumb rubs circles on its own accord.
“I can’t.”
“Stop. You don’t get to act like what we have isn’t real.” Her voice quivers and I nearly break. My instinct to protect her is still prominent, even though I’m trying like hell to stomp it down.
“It’s not real,” I lie. I lie because I have to. I need her as far away from me as I can get her.
“Yes, it is.” She climbs over the console, straddling my legs before she uses her finger to force my chin up to meet her gaze. “Now, look me in the eyes and tell methisisn’t real.” I watch as a tear slips down her face, and just like that, I’m right back to where I was years ago when I found out she’d left...
Broken.
Destroyed.
My fucking heart turning black, rotting away in my chest.
“Iris. Everything is different now.”
“I don’t care. We can get it all back. I know we can.”
She tilts forward to kiss me, but I lean my forehead against hers to stop her with a pained whisper. “We can’t.”
“I’m sorry I never called you,” she begins, and my eyes slam shut at the significance her words hold over me. She continues, “I’m sorry I didn’t break away and find you. I’m sorry I didn’t stand up to my father and dammit, Beau… look at me.” I can’t fucking hear all of this on the tail end of the society pulling me in for my first order. No matter how angry I’ve been with her and our situation, I can’t have her as a target in any of their twisted games. She’s my fucking weakness and if they ever discover as much, they’ll use her against me in a heartbeat…I’ll be fucked.
“I forgive you.” I say what she needs to hear… and then I force out the words that will effectively shut her down… “But everything has changed. I don’t want the same things I did years ago. I’m here to experience college and that means I’m not looking to be tied down by you, or anyone. You’re simply one of the many I plan to fuck at this campus. Just another notch.” She leans back in a flash, her hand rising to slap me across the face, and if I wasn’t slightly a masochist, I’d try to stop her. But I need that fucking pain to drown out any insanity in my mind screaming for me not to give her up. That part of me that remembers how perfect we were together.
“See… I’m even more fucked than I was back then.” I mock with a smirk, and shift so my hard cock grinds against her ass, because fuck if the sting didn’t turn me on even more than I already was with her sitting on me.
“I’m not going to fuck you, Beau.” She climbs off my lap, and I have to reposition my dick in my jeans.
“Little too late for that, don’t you think?” I fondle her ass as she climbs back over to the other seat, then slide my hand between her legs when she sits. The tease of my fingers brushing over her shorts has her squirming through her upcoming denial of what I’ve said. Finally, she pulls together the sense I should have, and stops my hand with a squeeze of her own on my wrist.
“You’re giving me whiplash, Beau. One second you say you don’t want to be with me… then you try to have sex with me.”
“I will always want to fuck you, Kens. It’s the rest of it I can’t do.”
“I’m not going to be one of your many fuck toys, Beau. That would tear me apart and we both know that’s not really you. So, before you touch me again, decide what it’s going to be. Are you willing to fuck with my mind and ruin what we have by pushing me away and denying what I know you feel.” She drives her index finger into my chest and pushes me back to my side of the truck. “Or… are you going to be honest with yourself and the rest of the world and go for what you should have had all along? Beau, I love you. I’ve loved you since the first day I met you. I’ve loved you the entire time I was forced to be away from you, and I’ll love you till my last breath.” Goddamn if her words aren’t giant daggers to my heart.
“We are nothing, Iris. You’ve romanticized two teenagers fucking a few times and you’ve dreamt up this image of what you think we are.” Her single index finger pierces me further as she shoves me back and slides herself as far away from me as she can.
“Beau, you’re a piece of shit for doing this, and you’ll regret letting me get out of your truck today. You’ll regret the bullshit lies you’re telling me now and you’ll regret the time you’ve wasted on us.” I don’t argue with her… because I know I will regret it all.Hell, I already do.I’m going to want to kill anyone I see touch her. I’m going to imagine her and be disappointed every time I fuck a girl, but that’s not anything new for me. I’ve been doing it for years.
“I’ve got nothing, Kens.”
“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to have little nicknames for me and treat me like trash, Beau.” I choose not to respond to her at all this time. Maybe if I stop talking, she’ll get out of my truckand end this torture for both of us. I have no idea if she’s looking at me or what she’s doing because I can’t fucking look at her. I want to be stoic and straight-faced to drive my words home… but this will have to do. Maybe she’ll mistake my cowardly demeanor as indifference.
She finally takes my silence as it was meant and with tears running down her face, she pushes the door open, slams it and stomps away.
Taking my heart with her once again.
Chapter 4
KINGSTON
It’s been a long fucking day, waiting for this party tonight. No matter how many times I told myself to stop obsessing over what happened with the society last night, I couldn’t. Every girl was a victim of my scrutiny today… and I didn’t apologize to a single one of them.
“Five minutes, fucker!” I pound on the wall, letting Beau know to wrap shit up because I’m tired of dealing with the fucking unknown and need to find out who this damn girl is. If I had a conscience, I’d probably feel bad for the poor little damsel I’m about to ruin… but I don’t.
