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This is what it’s like to know?
Just one look at her and the thought of living without her shreds my heart.
The need to claim her, all of her, in every way possible, fills me body and soul.
Terror fills me at what would happen if she knew the real me.
No. I have to keep my distance. I will keep my distance, no matter what. With that thought, I pull off the gas station’s parking lot with my eyes glued to the back of my girl as she jogs farther down the road.
I stay slow and steady, not wanting to catch up to her until she jogs onto the campus property that holds the student housing.
Stopping my truck, I watch from the road as she waves the fob over the panel next to the door before pulling it open and disappearing inside.
Worry attacks me when she’s out of sight, and I know that even though I must keep my distance, I need to protect her, even if that means keeping her safe from afar.
CHAPTER TWO
Michael
“Remind me again why I’m sitting in the woods in the middle of fucking winter?”
I look over at Kaleb with a raised brow. “You’re standing.”
My brother huddles further into his black jacket. “I wouldn’t know. I can’t feel my fucking legs.”
For the first time in weeks, a laugh bubbles out of me. “We’ve only been out here for like an hour.”
“An hour too long,” he complains. “Why can’t you just take a page from our older brother’s book and take her home with you?”
“She doesn’t even know I exist, Kaleb.”
“And?” He shrugs, like that fact has no bearing on the matter at all . . . and I guess it doesn’t. Given ourfamily history, it is a weak argument, but it’s all I have right now. Well, all I’m willing to say out loud anyway.
The memory of how Charlie, my older brother’s wife, came to be a part of our family almost two years ago fills me with warmth and want. Not because it was the last time I killed and not even because we were forced to miss our annual kill night last year but because it was the night my brother gained a partner, someone he can call his own and share his life with.
Someone who loves him for all that he is . . . his demons and his darkness.
I want that.
I want to share my life with someone who knows me, who loves me in a way that my family can’t.
Someone who is just mine. But it’s not meant to be, not for me.
I give Kaleb a dark look before turning my back and walking away. “I can’t have that kind of life with someone. I’m not made for it.”
“Why the fuck not?” I don’t need to turn to see the irritation on his face. “We’re all damaged, Michael. All of us. The shit we went through before the Cromwells took us in . . .” I hear his coat rustle as he shrugs. “But Daniel showed us we can be different. Have a part of our lives that’s almost . . . normal.” He whispers the last word, and I turn to look at my baby brother. “Can’t we?” he asks quietly.
The look on his face tears at my heart.
His gray eyes, so different from Daniel’s green and my blue, show his pain. Hate fills me for our shittybirth parents who made us this way. At least I had Daniel to protect and love me the best he could. Kaleb was alone before joining us at the Cromwell’s.
I make my way over to him and grip the back of his neck as he hangs his head, and I find myself wishing, not for the first time, that I could pull him in for a hug.
But I just can’t.
I shake at the thought of another body touching mine so fully. Instead, I squeeze tighter, hoping Kaleb won’t feel the panic coursing through my body.
“You are the most hard-working man I’ve ever known, Kaleb. You can do anything you set your mind to. Have anything you want,” I tell him.
