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And as the weeping, naked girl fell apart in my arms, I rocked her gently, absorbing every tear.
When she finally reached the point where she was lying against me limply and only occasionally sniffling, I stroked a hand over her hair. “Any better yet?”
She bobbed her head immediately, even as she answered, “I think so. It’s just…” Sighing sadly, she looked up at me, with tragic, wet, hazel eyes.
Kissing her cheek, I encouraged, “Tell me.”
“When I walked to campus today,” she started haltingly, “and sat on the bench to rest, all I could do was watch people walking by and wonder how they did it. I mean, some of them had to have been raped or beaten or bullied, right? Some of them had to have dealt with cancer or disease, or some form of blunt-force trauma like I did. Some had to have lost loved ones or dealt withsomekind of tragedy. And yet they all looked so…normal. As if nothing was wrong. As if the world was just this great place where nothing bad ever happened. But how the hell do theydothat? How do they just carry on as if things arefine?”
I was silent a moment before softly answering, “Time.”
Raina looked up at me with seeking eyes and blinked. “Time?”
I nodded. “It took me a long time after my brother died to really dip my toe back intonormalagain. I mean, it’ll never be the same as it was—not the normalyouknew—but…”
When I shook my head, not sure how to explain it, Raina wrapped her hand around my arm. “But what?”
I glanced at her and sighed. Then I shook my head, saying the first thing that came to my mind. “Youcancreate a new normal for yourself after your whole world changes.”
Her eyes reddened, but her seeking gaze sought deliverance. “How?” she demanded in an achingly fragile voice.
I drew out another long breath, then shrugged. “Different ways, I guess. I’m sure it can’t be the same for everyone. For me—with Hayes—I was mostly shocked to learn how dark the world could get. Suddenly, children coulddie. Your best friend could leave forever—just like that—and your family—your whole foundation—could shatter in an instant. It was just…so fucking startling. I thought I’d forever be trapped in that dark, shocking place. Except the funny thing about darkness is that you only need the tiniest sliver of light to chase it away and see again. And these little fireflies of good things—like the six new friends I made in grief counseling, or a joke someone told me, a smile another person gave me, a compliment, a football touchdown—they just started fluttering around me, driving away more and more darkness until, eventually, I could see where I was going again. It might’ve been a new path, but I had a direction to go in. A new normal.”
Grimacing at her with sympathy, I said, “Nothing’s ever going to be the same again, and I’m so sorry about that. But”—I lifted one shoulder—“itcanget better than this. You just keep focusing on the light.”
A tear trembled in Raina’s lashes before she wiped it away with her fingers. Then she sent me a soft smile and cupped my cheek in her hand. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for being my first firefly of light.”
Release broke open in my chest, and the tightness I’d been feeling in there for weeks started to loosen. Pressing my brow to hers, I clutched her cheek in my hand and closed my eyes, just breathing her in.
“I wish I could takeallyour darkness away,” I whispered.
Her finger brushed my arm. “You took a pretty nice chunk of it, believe me.”
I smiled and opened my lashes so I could pull back and look at her. Thankfully, she did seem to be better. There weren’t quite as many shadows lurking in her eyes anymore.
My chest filled with refreshed air as I reached for the last few tears that were hanging out on her cheek. Easing them away, I asked, “What else can I do? Get you a drink? Brush your hair? Go down on you again?”
She laughed, and it brightened the whole room. “A drink actually does sound good. Then maybe…a shower.”
I nodded solemnly. “I’ll wash your back.”
She grinned and rolled her eyes but conceded, “Deal.”
“Perfect.” Picking her up off my lap, I sat her on the mattress next to me and popped to my feet. Then I leaned down to kiss her hair. “I’ll get your drink first. What’ll you have?”
“Just…” She shook her head, looking up at me with awe. “Water’s fine.”
Winking at her, I announced, “I can do that. Be right back.”
I jogged from the room and hurried past her couch to dart into the kitchen, only to jar to a surprised halt and gape around me in dismay.
“Oh!” Raina called after me. “Hold up. I think I already boxed away all my cups.”
When she appeared behind me, wearing nothing but an oversized T-shirt, I turned to blink at her, and she could tell from my expression alone that something had just changed.
Smile falling, she asked, “What’s wrong?”
I tried to draw in a breath but couldn’t seem to get any air. After a moment of forcing myself to calm down, I motioned to the boxes scattered everywhere. “You’re packing.”
