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“That’s perfect. It gives me the rest of the day to see the ranch, gin up the courage to go for a ride, and gather my thoughts on Josh. I mean, maybe it was merely good sex, and I’m not falling in love with him after all.”
“Whatever gets you through, sweetie.”
“I’ll be fine. Nothing’s going to happen between Josh and me during the day. I’ll go for a ride with Luke and maybe mention my feelings for Josh. Get his reaction. That way, I’ll know more about pursuing the whole band thing again.”
“Sounds like a plan. Okay… see you tonight… stay strong.”
“That’s me, strong Connie.”
We disconnected, and I felt better knowing that she and I would talk all this over tonight. I didn’t need to decide on anything until then.
“You can handle this,” I told the reflection in the mirror once I cleaned off the layer of foggy steam.
Then I stepped into possibly the most luxurious shower I’d ever seen, even in a magazine. The area was so big it didn’t need a door. Gray and white swirly tiles surrounded me on three sides, with a small bench seat hanging on one of the walls. There was so much space, several people could fit in this shower at one time.
Instantly, my thoughts drifted to Rascal, Luke, and Josh, with all four of us taking a shower at one time. That dirty thought sent chills over my body, and the vision of being surrounded by those three buffed men caused my pussy to tingle once again. Something it had been doing a lot lately.
I lathered up my body with soap and enjoyed the sensations that coursed through me for a moment before rinsing off.
Now that I’d allowed myself to have incredible sex with Josh, I thought about having sex with all of them. None of this made any sense to me. This wasn’t how I lived… how I conducted my life. I was a solid, average person, but ever since I’d rescued Shea, my life changed at a breakneck speed, and I barely recognized myself anymore.
And there it was. The reason I had always liked everything small. All this time, I’d thought it was because I simply liked to control my personal space, control my surroundings and my life.
As if anyone could control their life.
“What a crock!”
I’d kept everything tight and small because I’d been afraid of my capacity to fall for more than one man, or like more than one lifestyle, and be a bigger, wilder person.
Was all that true?
“You’re a one-man woman,” I said aloud, trying to convince myself of the truth once again in the statement. “One man. Not two or three, but one, and it can’t be Josh. It just can’t be. That will changeeverything!You like to have control over your life, not like your mom who couldn’t control anything and lived a miserable life. You’re better than that. You maintain a strict control, and it’s working for you. Don’t fuck it up!”
Still, despite saying all that, I felt my resolve slipping away into tiny little pieces. The fact that I’d had sex with Josh and was seriously considering taking this ranch and singing again told me I was in a freefall with absolutely no idea of where I would land… or if I would land anywhere safe.
I had two choices.
Tell the guys to drive me back to Cricket right now, this morning, and take my life back, or accept all these changes and ride it out to see where this new life would lead me.
Either way, I needed to decide.
And I would.
Tonight, with Shea’s help.
I slipped back under the shower, let the hot water cascade over my body, and decided to let everything go until tonight.
And of course, my imagination instantly surrounded me with three naked men in my shower.
I popped open my eyes. “Oh God, how will I ever decide?”
“BY THE TIME I walked out of the bedroom, showered, and dressed, everyone was already sitting around the table on the back porch, waiting for me, including Bobby and an older man I hadn’t met yet.
The older man and Bobby stood to greet me.
“Connie,” Bobby said. “This is Jimmy Jennings, the owner of Dirty Coyote. He stopped by to meet everyone this morning.”
Jimmy had an infectious smile, a head of thick, silver hair, and a thin cowboy’s body, and he wore the prerequisite cowboy outfit, including a well-worn steel-gray Western hat, which he tipped my way, like a proper cowboy should.
