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“She doesn’t think I want to marry her, Ma. Besides, like I said, we’re just getting to know each other.”
I plated the chicken, stuck a serving fork on the side of both platters, and proceeded to carry them out, while my mother followed right behind me with herfarfalleand meatball platter.
“Well, you sure picked the perfect night to introduce her to your family. Either she’s gonna stick around for the whole night and enjoy it, or she’s gonna call one of them urban cars and go home.”
“You mean Uber, and if she wants to go home, I’ll drive her,” I told my mom as I placed the platters down on the heat-resistant mats on the buffet table.
“Neither of you are going anywhere. It’s Christmas Eve, and it’s snowing,é destino.We got plenty of room for her to spend the night. She can share a room with your Aunt Bella.”
“Bella snores like a truck horn. I wouldn’t put my worst enemy in a room with her, let alone a woman I like.”
“Oh, so you admit you like her?”
As soon as we put the food down, relatives surrounded the table. I lowered my voice as we stepped aside to make room for them. Plates, napkins, and flatware were already at the ends of the buffet tables.
“She wouldn’t be here if I didn’t, Ma.”
“So, are you gonna marry her, then? Cause if you are, you gotta propose on Valentine’s Day, or it’s bad luck.”
“Oh my God. Stop with the marriage stuff. She can sleep in my room, and I’ll sleep in the basement with Uncle Louie.”
My family had this thing about Valentine’s Day. Apparently, anybody in the family who didn’t propose on that day, their marriages were doomed to end in divorce. Unfortunately for everyone, so far, it was true. Even two of my cousins who didn’t heed the warning, both of their marriages ended in divorce less than a year after the weddings, which only added more fuel to my mother’s crazy theory.
“Then it’s all settled,” my mother said. “Good, you and your Uncle Louie will sleep in the basement, one in the recliner and one on the couch, but I’m gonna put your girl up in the attic. She can have some privacy there. I already gave your room to Cousin Joe and his wife Carla. This way, you’ll be far enough apart from this woman you like so much to bring her home for Christmas but don’t want to marry. I don’t want no hanky-panky going on in my house on the Lord’s birthday. Frankie and Ted are gonna share Frankie’s room, and I can’t pin your brother Rocco down. He’s got a hard head, that one. I invited Evelyn and her daughter over, but so far, Rocco and Evelyn ain’t said more than two words all night. I keep hoping they might step under all them mistletoes I hung around the house, but so far, no luck. She’s the perfect girl for him, and if they got married, I’d have a ready-made granddaughter. Your dad and me ain’t gettin’ any younger. Ida and Lucky Granoldi already got three grandkids. Me and your father don’t got any. It ain’t right. Four sons and not one grandchild between you. We’re getting tired of waiting. I thought by now, at least one of my sons would be settled down. But no. I’m cursed. That’s what it is… cursed.”
Dani had walked up sometime during my mother’s rant but never said a word. My mother could be quite intimidating.
I jumped between them. “Dani, this is my mom. Ma, this is Dani Green.”
My mother instantly gave her a hug and kissed both of her cheeks. Dani seemed a little stunned but went along with it.
“By the time this night is over, one of them urban cars won’t be able to get through the snow, but don’t you worry ‘cause we got the perfect room all set up for you. Now, you come with me, and I’m gonna introduce you to the family.”
Dani threw me ahelp melook, but all I could do was shrug and hope for the best, while my mother wrapped an arm around Dani’s waist and whisked her off into the throng of ravenous relatives who were already loading down their plates.
“Does this mean you’re serious about this woman?” Frankie wanted to know as he walked up, holding his plate of food.
At twenty-three, Frankie was the baby of the family, with thick, black hair, the same dark-blue eyes as mine, and a penchant for dating other guys’ girlfriends… which had caused my other brothers and me to come to his rescue more times than I could remember.
He always dressed in the latest trend and knew how every social media platform out there, worked. According to our mother, he looked like a young Eddie Fisher. None of us knew who that was until we looked him up. And our mother was right… they could be brothers.
“You’ve never brought a date home for Christmas before. What does this mean, bro?” my older brother Ted asked as he held a glass of red wine.
Ted was at least two inches taller than me, and at twenty-nine, he was only eleven months older. According to our mother, he was our father’s “mistake” baby. We never wanted to hear the details but could assume that our dad had stepped over our mom’s boundaries. Ted had a much bigger build than the rest of us and wore his dark-brown hair in a messy, unkempt style that suited him. He liked facial hair and always kept his beard at the scruff stage. He was never one to mince words and enjoyed dating at least two women at the same time, sometimes three. “Even I would never bring a woman home for Christmas unless I was going to marry her. Are you getting married?”
I didn’t know what I’d been thinking when I decided to bring Dani home, but whatever it had been, neither one of us were prepared for quite this much attention.
“It’s just a date. Nothing else,” I told them.
“Yeah, and we just make pizza and nothing else,” Rocco said, as he eyed the loaded-down table with everything but a pizza. At thirty-one, Rocco was the oldest in the family, and by anyone’s standards, the best looking of the three of us. He could probably date any woman in town, but ever since he was burned a few years ago and had his heart stomped on, he’d been reluctant to date anyone, especially Evelyn who he’d been friends with for several years. Of course, our mother had different plans for him and all of us.
Poor Dani was still my mom’s captive as she introduced her to absolutely everyone, including Uncle Louie, who adjusted his big, black glasses on his nose before he shook her hand. Uncle Louie loved women, and although he was always a gentleman, he loved to flirt.
“Alla famigilia!”my father shouted, as he held up a flute of Prosecco, and most everyone in the room joined him in the toast. I felt certain poor Dani must be thinking she’d been taken back in time to the movie set ofMoonstruck.Only this was my real family, and our crazy was by far more intense than any movie could ever be.
It was then when I knew for certain; this would be a long night… a very long night.
“YOU LIVE AT home… with your parents?” Dani asked as we stood just inside my bedroom doorway. My mother had changed her mind about who should sleep where and suddenly, my aunt and uncle were in the attic, and Dani was in my room, which was fine with me. Mom had only just left us after personally showing Dani to her/my room. “And this is your room?”
