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But hell, it just came out.
“I slept with Madison,” I said and looked to her to gauge her surprise and ire.
But she didn’t gasp or yell. She didn’t even look taken by surprise. “I see,” was all she said.
“And then I did it again,” I said, almost hoping I could push her out of her stoic disposition. “And again. And then aga…”
“Ok Ethan once was enough,” she finally said, holding her hand up to stop me from talking.
“And I wanna do it again,” I added for good measure.
“So you flew home to have sex with Madison?” She looked at me like I was as dumb as rocks.
“No, I flew home because she ran away. Geez. I need to tell you the whole story.”
So I did.
I told her all about our deal. The weekend in New York, minus the sexual details of course. I told her about the month she needed to be away from me and that today was exactly one month. That is why I flew home.
The second the month was up, I had to see her.
But the other reason was my deal with Ben. I needed to tell her about my crush. I needed her to know that those feelings existed at one point in my life.
“So what now?” Mom asked, not even mad about the shit we’d been up to.
“I don’t know, that is what you interrupted. I was trying to figure it all out. We said we would meet again in an hour and talk some more.”
“You gonna tell her that you love her?”
“I always do,” I breathed, almost relieved I had my mom to talk to about this.
“No son, I mean are you going to tell her you love her. Like love love. In love.”
“Sex didn’t change how I feel about her, mom. It only made me want more of her.”
“Which,” she started, drawing out the words slowly as if I wouldn’t be able to understand them if she spoke too fast, “is exactly a change in feelings. You want more. That is a change.”
“I want more of what we had. Not more of what sex made us become.”
“I think you are missing the point, Ethan. And I am going to let you figure it out all on your own because it’ll be that much better when it finally hits you. But I just want to say one more thing. I am glad I interrupted you. I am glad we had this talk first. I think you need about 36 more minutes to try and understand what you’re doing right now.”
“That is a very specific time frame mom,” I said amused.
“That is exactly how much time you have left before you said you’d meet up with Madison again.” She patted my knee and stood up from the porch swing. “I am gonna let your dad know not to expect you on the TV tonight. And I don’t expect you for dinner either. But I expect you to come to see us before you take back off to Atlanta.”
“Yes ma’am,” I muttered, still distracted by our conversation.
“Hey, I love you,” she said, leaning on the door handle ready to open it and go inside.
“Love you too, mom,” I repeated.
She disappeared and left me to my own thoughts.
As it turned out, I didn’t need 36 minutes to figure myself out. I didn’t need any more time at all. Because what my mom had just said sunk in and hit me like a clean-up hitter hitting fastballs.
“I love my mom,” I whispered to myself in awe. “Holy shit.”
I wanted to go now. To tell Madison what I just realized and hoped to God she felt the same way.
