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My anger stemmed from fear. Fear that I would lose Cat, just like I’d lost my parents. Fear that it would be my fault again.
I sank to the floor and cried. I let all the tears I’d been biting back since my nightmare, since the kidnapping, since my parents’ deaths, run down my cheeks. I didn’t try to stop them.
Time became strange. I had no way of knowing what time it was. Without a phone or a watch or anything to ground me, I felt like I was stuck in a bubble.
I didn’t know how long it had been when Philippa came to see me again.
“You look terrible,” she said when she walked into the cabin. “What’s wrong?”
“I just had a bad couple of days,” I said.
“Let’s go for a walk,” Philippa suggested. “It will do you good to get out of the house and breathe some fresh air. Sunshine does wonders for the skin, you know.”
I smiled. “That’s not what I’ve heard.”
“Well, it’s not good in excess, but you need to get out of this place. It’s so dark and gloomy in here, I can almost taste your sadness.”
I nodded. She was right, I had to get out. I hadn’t gotten out of the house in a while, and I needed to stretch my legs.
We left the cabin and walked through the trees toward the stream behind the cabin. Philippa smiled with delight when we reached the edge of the water.
“It’s glorious out here,” she said, kicking off her sandals before she stepped into the stream. She laughed when the water ran over her toes. “Come, Lorraine, join me!”
I hesitated. I wasn’t in the mood, but Philippa looked so happy, so wild and free, and I wanted that, too.
I stepped into the water. The water was cool on my skin and ran over my toes. It tickled and soothed at the same time.
“I don’t think he cares,” I said.
“Who?”
“Ash. I don’t think he cares about me at all.”
“Why do you say that?” Philippa asked.
“Because he doesn’t care that my sister might be in danger or that I’m stuck here, away from my life. Cat needs me, and Ash doesn’t think it’s a big deal. He just keeps telling me I can’t leave.”
Philippa frowned. “You can’t leave for a while still.”
I sighed. “Yeah, that’s what Ash keeps saying, too. Surely, the men who are after me gave up the search by now? How long has it been? I’m terrified they forgot about me and went after my sister instead.”
Philippa didn’t say anything, so I kept talking.
“I tried to get him to see it, but he doesn’t care what my life is. He just cares about what he can get from me.” The words were bitter in my mouth. I’d told myself after we’d slept together that it didn’t mean anything, that I preferred it that way, but I was an emotional mess. I just wanted Ash to care about something.
“Ash has been through a tough time,” Philippa said. “I know from where you’re standing, it might feel like he doesn’t care, but he’s been hurt pretty badly.”
“By a woman?” I asked.
Philippa nodded. “He loved her so much, and she ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He was willing to give everything up for her, and just when he did, she walked away.” She glanced up at me with her jade eyes. “Don’t be too hard on him. He might not understand your reality, but you don’t know about his, either.”
I nodded. She was right—I knew nothing about Ash. He didn’t tell me anything about himself, that was why.
“Maybe if he shared things with me, I would understand him better,” I said. “He doesn’t say anything at all.”
“He’s not in the habit of using words. He uses actions.”
I snorted. “Well, his actions say a lot about what he wants, but they don’t say anything else.”
