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“He’s trying to protect himself. He saved you, but there’s no one around to save him.”
I turned those words over in my mind, trying to decide how I felt about them. Was it unfair of me to expect him to reach out more than he already did? I didn’t know what his life was like. Was it better for me to let it slide and accept his behavior as self-defense rather than indifference?
“I’m just so stuck,” I admitted. “I can’t leave, but staying here makes me feel so isolated. I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know when it will end, and I feel like despite Ash being so close to me, he’s still so incredibly far.”
Philippa nodded. “We all feel that way. We lost him when Ava tore him up, and we’ve all tried to get him back since then. You’re the first person he gets up for every day again.”
It felt to me like Ash was distant and cold, unless he wanted to fuck. Was I really the first person he’d reached out to? I wished I understood him more. I wished he would open up so I could catch a glimpse of who he was underneath that hard shell around him.
Then again, I was crazy to want to reach out and get involved with someone again. I should have been happy that things were so distant between us, with no expectations. It was what I wanted, wasn’t it?
But being with Ash made me feel something different, like two pieces of a puzzle were coming together. It made me feel like in a way, this was where I belonged. It didn’t make any sense.
I wished things were simpler. I wished everything made sense.
I wished for a lot of things that never came true.
“Have you seen the orchard?” Philippa asked suddenly.
“What?”
“The orchard. It’s just beyond the stream, behind those trees over there.” She pointed in a direction. “Come, let me show you.”
She crossed the stream, and I followed. When we stepped onto the grass, my skin tingled with warmth. I took a deep breath.
Out here, nothing was as it seemed. I was starting to think more and more that something was up. Something Cat might have tried to tell me was magic.
I’d never believed her before, but now…
ChapterSixteen
Ash
When I woke up, I stepped out of my tree and stretched. I’d been curled up in the trunk of my tree, my magic infusing me with the tree so that we were one.
I usually liked being there, but lately, it wasn’t as comfortable as I remembered. The air was fresh so early in the morning, and birds chirped in the trees, chatting to each other in their whistle tones.
“Nice to see you’re still alive,” Rowan said, coming through the trees. He looked pissed off.
“Good morning to you, too,” I shot back.
Rowan rolled his eyes. “What’s going on with you, man?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked. “What are you so pissed at?”
“You! I’m pissed at you. You’re awake for a change, but you don’t hang out with any of us, and I don’t see you around at all. What the fuck is up with that? Do you even know what it means to be a drus anymore?”
“Who crawled up your tree and shit on you?”
Rowan shook his head. “We’re always together. That’s the way of the dryads and the druses. We’re all connected through the forest, and we’re supposed to keep that spirit of togetherness alive. That’s how we’ve always done it. Or have you forgotten?”
“I’ve just been busy,” I said.
“Yeah? With what? You haven’t been sleeping, and you sure as shit haven’t had your hands full protecting the vale since nothing’s been going on around here.”
I shrugged. “You were the one who told me to go after what I really want. You were the one who told me to look for Hecate so I can get what I need.”
Rowan raised his eyebrows, his eyes sparkling. “Did you find her? What’s she like? I’ve never seen the goddess. Is she amazing?”
