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I don’t fucking doubt him. I have so much that I want to say; that I want to scream at him, but my words lodge in my throat as I’m forced to watch him and Cameron walk away.
PHOENIX
Friday came around way too fast.
So fast that I didn’t have much of a chance to sit and think about the party invite or the possible reasons behind it. Flick however, she’s obviously had heaps of time—her mind already set.
She has no love for any of the Savage brothers, that’s already a given, but she seems more than happy to go above ground and venture out to the Manor House. The one that’s specifically out of bounds to first years and the rest of us sewer rats; or so she likes to remind me.
Suddenly it seems she’s had a change of heart. “But we’ve been invited.” Flick pleads with me, trying her damned hardest to get me onside. She’s tried everything from her wonderful charm, endless charisma and she hasn’t been below throwing acouple of guilt cards my way but no matter what she tells me, I haven’t been feeling it.
I already know nothing good can come from going to a party hosted by those demons. Flick should know this seeing how she was the one who kept warning me to stay clear of them in the beginning and now she’s telling me that she wants to go and hang out with them. Boys who I’m guessing made her life hell for years.
“That doesn’t make it right though, does it?” I argue, fully aware that Flick isn’t listening to a single word I’m saying. She’s made her mind up and she’s sticking to it. I’m fully aware it wouldn’t matter what I do or say in this moment, she’s not going to change her decision. Not now. Hell, probably not ever. I guess all I can do is hope that the crowd down at the house isn’t her vibe and she’ll want to leave as soon as we get there.
A girl can dream, right? Looking back, I don’t think Flick has listened to anything I’ve said since Dane and Cameron stormed out of our room the other night.
Thankfully though, luck must have been on my side because somehow, I’ve managed to avoid them. I also know that time isn’t on my side. I’m not stupid and I’m far from naïve. I know this is just another one of their games and they’ll catch up with me eventually. Something they’re probably counting on tonight. I also know if I don’t show face at the party then I’m as good as signing my own death warrant. Dane, Cameron and Caleb will be judge, jury and executioner. I should be worried… a little bit scared, but the trust is that thought excites me. It excites me enough to back down and give Flick what she wants.
Dane and Cameron don’t bother me too much. I’m sure I can handle them. I mean, I’ve dealt with Dane and his wicked ways more than once already and I’ve survived. No, my mainissue right now is Caleb. None of those brothers could ever be confused with being nice, but Caleb was the one who made it perfectly clear he doesn’t want me around. Me being here, purely existing is nothing but an inconvenience to him.
Dane, although hella scary, I’m fairly confident he likes to have me around just so he can play with me. Something I’m not about to complain about… and Cameron, I’m still undecided on him and his motives, but he’s for sure trying to entice me out of the woodwork. He’s more than happy to test the waters before sending me to my untimely death.
Taking in my reflection, I sigh heavily as I battle with myself over which decision I should be making. My health and sanity, or to feed my unhealthy addiction. I have no idea if I should stay here and try to play it safe or should I go with my gut and take a much-needed walk on the wild side?
Biting down on my bottom lip it hits me that I’ve changed so much in such a short space of time. I’m not the girl I remember. It’s crazy to think that I’ve come so far; so detached from the person I was and it’s only been a few weeks.
On the outside I still look the same. My hair is the same deep red like autumn leaves as it hangs loosely around my shoulders, framing my heart-shaped face. My hazel eyes are believed to be the same as my mothers, and they’re framed by long thick lashes. Once dull and void of any emotion, they now shine bright, reflecting the new lease of life—the second chance I’ve been given to focus solely on me and my wants and needs. To figure out who I truly am and what I want for myself. My heart swells deep in my chest as I think of the wild child I am now and all that I could become.
Thankfully it seems I didn’t inherit a single thing from my father. Maybe his mindset, but I choose to believe he instilledthat in me. Something man-made, forcing me to believe all the horrible things he said about me. Making me believe that I was born to suffer. That I was a product of his fuck up. A bad design by default. Always set for failure—but now, after a few short weeks my mindset has started to change; and for the better.
Many years ago, my father used to tell me that the world would be my oyster one day, but only if I was obedient and lived by his rule. When he realized I was more my mother’s daughter than his, when he realized that he’d never be able to mold and shape me in the ways he wanted and needed, I became redundant and he had no need for me anymore so he decided to cut me off, selling me to the highest bidder.
I’d never deny that I’ve been dealt a bad hand. But then I’d never expect anyone’s pity for it either. What happened has happened. I can’t change it and I refuse to give it power, preventing it from defining me. Buried deep beneath all the pain and heartache still lives a little girl who has hopes and dreams and I plan on chasing every single one of them. It might take me some time to adjust, but from now on I’ll always put myself first.
It’s kinda crazy when I allow my mind to stop and process the recent events since I arrived at Stonebrooke. It’s surreal. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be granted freedom. I’d spent years being conditioned, forced to believe that I belonged to them—my captors; and only them. Living a life where I was forced to do whatever demand they decided to hurl my way, no matter how painful. How horrific or soul destroying.
Somehow, I did it.
Against all odds I managed to break free of their deadly chains… only to wind up in someone else’s control. I know now though that it doesn’t have to be this way. I’m the one who hasthe power. The ability to control what happens in my life. I can control what does or doesn’t happen with these wicked Savage brothers.
Sure, they might call all of the shots right now, but I know what I can handle. I know I’m strong enough to break free of their deadly captivity should I need to. I’ve been here many times before. Although young, I know what I’m doing. Yes, I’ll admit I’m playing with fire, but where’s the pleasure without the pain?
“Wow, you look incredible.” Flick looks me up and down, her eyes wide like she doesn’t even recognize me. “So fucking hot.”
“Thanks.” I offer her a weak smile as my voice falls flat. I know she means well but I’ve never been good when it comes to accepting compliments of any kind. I never received any growing up so on the rare occasions when I do get them my inner child finds it hard to believe. Just another deep-rooted trauma of being called ugly and worthless for far too long. “You look hot as fuck too.”
“Really?” she asks, her own voice uneasy as she palms her grey sundress subconsciously and I can tell she’s getting nervous. Her brown hair is braided down the side and I notice she’s swapped out her glasses for a heavy smokey eye and it does wonders for her complexion.
“Really.” I laugh easily and she smiles back at me, her nerves easing. “Trust me, the rest of this school isn’t going to know what’s hit them when they see us.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“Hey, less of the negativity. I get you’re nervous. Really, I do, but if I’ve learned one thing so far in this crazy thing wecall life, it’s that sometimes we need to be brave. We need to step firmly outside of our comfort zone. None of us know what’s waiting for us out in the big bad world, and what’s worse… we’ll never know if we succumb to the rules and stay holed up down here.”
A slow pause fills the air between us as she processes my little peptalk. “I get what you’re saying, but sometimes I feel like I was born to be an outsider. Forced to stay inside the box, you know?”
“Bullshit,” I reply, remembering exactly how I used to feel. “That’s what they want us to believe. That way if they grind us down, we’ve got no other choice but to be dependent on those who hurt us the most.” I’m trying my hardest to put her worried mind at ease. I’ve spent too much of my life living in my own box of fear and I have zero intentions of going back there. Not ever.
