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My own actions surprise me. I’m not a curious person by nature. I seek adventure and thrills and new things, but I’m never one to meddle in people’s business. With Damon, everything is different.
He makes me more jealous than I’ve ever been.
He makes me want to know all there is about him. I don’t want to wait until he tells me. What if he never does? What if I’m in love with a man who had a hand in killing his lover?
I. Need. To. Know I don’t love a monster—that he wouldn’t hurt someone he previously loved.
When Joey arrives, Damon asks him to drive my dad’s car back to my place, so he won’t have to drive it tomorrow.
When he pulls up in my dad’s driveway, he parks the car, and I know he won’t stay the night. The sad part of me is eradicated by the one who wants to read the diary.
“My mom’s hosting a last-minute gala tomorrow.” He fingers his chin with his thumb. “I want you to come with me.”
“That’s ... I would, but I promised Gia I’d babysit for her.”
His jaw tightens, and I take that as my cue to leave. When I step out of the car, I walk around, waiting for him to slide the window down.
I lean forward and kiss him, my fingers sliding through his hair. When I pull back and stare at him, a look I can’t fathom crosses his features.
“Next time I’ll be there,” I promise, hoping he asks again.
I can’t bail on Gia. She’s done everything a twin sister could possibly do for me over the years, and she seemed too excited when she texted me this week that James was available for their date.
Besides, I’d like to spend time with Athena.
About an hour later, I’ve showered and am waiting patiently for my Thai food to arrive. I pull out the notebook from my purse and keep reading through the entries.
I read more than half the journal, realizing Palmer was a nice girl who liked to follow rules, and who was introduced to Damon by their moms. Her wealthy parents encouraged her to keep painting while she attended college.
She pulled me to the side today, asking me about Gregory. Even though Mom loves Damon, I think she prefers who future Gregory will be. Maybe someone with political ties, someone with more power and money than we could ever need. Deep down, she must know my biggest weakness is seeking to please. Especially her.
My food arrives. I bring it along with a beer to the couch after turning on the fireplace.
I take a few bites, too starved to put it off, as I notice her exquisite handwriting. Then I dive right back in.
I see more and more of Gregory behind Damon’s back. It’s not hard, since Damon works a lot. I sometimes wonder if he has other girls too. I see the way women look at him—like they want what’s mine. Except he doesn’t feel like mine. He feels like someone else’s dream, as if someone lent him to me for a little while. Damon loves tenderly, fiercely, but he doesn’t make love like a tamed man. I tell Gregory this when we talk about us being intimate. It should feel wrong, but it doesn’t.
I shut the book and take a few sips of beer before closing my eyes. How dare she cheat on him. Then I chuckle to myself,shaking my head, because I’m the master villain in Harvey and Claire’s story.
Gregory’s sweet and notices things about me. Damon does, too, but he keeps his observations to himself. Every minute I’m not spending with Damon, I’m spending with Gregory, or painting things that remind me of him. I hear my parents fight about him one night. Mom likes Gregory, while Dad favors Damon. I wish I could choose. I wish they were like Damon’s mother and didn’t care who I ended up with—as long as I’m happy. Perhaps Mom wants to keep Damon to herself. Rumors are she likes them young and freaky.
Tonight’s a special night. I want to be Gregory’s in every way possible. I think I might be falling for him. In fact, I know I am. He showers me with flowers and jewelry before we head to his cottage for the weekend. He makes love to me in front of the fireplace. He moves inside of me with a tenderness Damon could never muster. It’s not that Damon’s brutal with me, because he’s not. It’s that I see the dark waiting to unleash when he tries it my way. It’s too slow for him, too gentle. He looks eager to please me so we can get it over with, and he can go back to roughly stroking himself.
I never thought I’d be this girl, who’s sleeping with two men at once. Separately, of course. Gregory treats me like a princess. I don’t tell a living soul, not even my sister. She’d tell me to choose. Probably Gregory, since she was never a fan of Damon. Always said he was too careless, that he wouldn’t be loyal to me ten years down the line. I suspect Mom knows. She always knows everything. She’s the whispers on the wall when the clock strikes midnight. Secrets rarely stay hidden from her for too long.
I’m three-quarters through the diary when I close my notebook, finishing my beer and my box of food.
I feel empty, searching for truths I can’t seem to find while destroying the trust Damon has in me with every turn of a page.
It’s two in the morning when I check my phone, and my thoughts are in shambles. Would it even matter—whatever happened with Palmer?
Could I even leave him?
I picture his beautiful face when he’s sound asleep, and I know the answer deep within. It’s a disturbing one—one that proves love can truly trump all rationality.
I head for bed, dreaming the same old dreams.
“Easy,” a coarse voice greets me as I take a few sips. The water feels nice until I swallow. My throat is begging me to keep going while my pained chest is sending out burning signals all over the place.
