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Yet, through the pain, all I can focus on is the rough timbre of his voice.
And the fact that this angel was sent for me.
In the morning, I shove the diary in my backpack and head for the woods near my dad’s house to read. It’s the perfect spring day to do so.
I feel uneasy, probably because I’m ruining Damon’s trust in me. There’s something else, though I can’t say what, but something feels wrong.
I walk for close to an hour before I nestle my back on a rock and keep reading the journal, grateful for the warmer weather.
Dad talks about Damon with such admiration and respect. He’s been talking a lot more about marriage lately. Marriage with Damon. I wonder what’s wrong with me. My friends would beg for Damon to ask for their hand in marriage, and I can’t seem to want to. I love Damon, but I don’t think we’re compatible. Gregory’s an artist too. He understands art. Damon’s all about facts and scientific data. I don’t care for any of it.
Dad offers to pay for my own studio, one of my choosing. He won’t spare any expense. He doesn’t want me to marry Gregory—says our families have too much history there. According to Dad, he has nothing against the man, he just prefers Damon. I want to say no because I can. I can choose who I want, but my mind keeps thinking of that studio, of making my artist dreams come true.
My heart hurts for Gregory. I love him so much I can’t breathe. I’d never wish this amount of pain on anyone. Lovetruly is the deadliest weapon of all. All I need to do is push him away until Dad buys my studio. Then we can be together.
Gregory isn’t too happy with our breakup. I can’t fault him. It breaks my heart too. He continues to seek me out, coming to my place unannounced, and I fear that Dad won’t pay for my studio if he suspects I told Gregory the truth.
Damon’s distant lately. I know he’s busy building his career, but sometimes I wonder if there’s more to it—if he knows.
Gregory showed up to my new studio today without calling first. Thank God Damon left an hour prior. My name is on the purchase agreement, so it’s officially mine. I was going to tell Gregory, but he was too angry to see reason. He couldn’t believe that I broke up with him. And kept talking about Damon, as if I wanted to be with Damon more than him. It makes sense that he wouldn’t know. That’s why I need to explain everything to him.
My heart is racing by the time I finish the diary. It ends there. Her entries are done. I wonder if the purple journal might reveal more of Damon.
I make my way back, my mind reeling.
Once I’m home, I hide the notebook in my purse and take a shower. It’s late afternoon, and Athena will be here soon. While I wait for her, I text Henrik, asking about Harv’s last PT appointment.
I also text Damon, letting him know I miss him. There’s a desperation in life that only fools in love can understand. I don’t call him though. I’m too riled up from the diary not to sound off.
Then Athena’s here, and I try to focus all my attention on her. We eat macaroni for dinner and watch a princess movie. I ask her all the questions in the world, including how she feels about becoming a big sister soon.
She falls asleep on me, and Gia and James return at eleven o’clock.
“You guys could’ve stayed out later, you know.”
James chuckles. “You know Gia and her daughter’s routine.”
My sister rolls her eyes and hugs me, thanking me for giving them a night off. I tell them I want to do it more often, especially when I have my own place. As they leave, I check my phone and see a few missed messages from Harv and Damon.
Harvey:How could you do this to me? Was I too much of a burden?
Harvey:A buden to u, bden to Hen and paents.
Damon:I’m bored.
Harvey:Rmber I love yaxoi.
I panic dial Harvey, and when the ring goes to voice mail, I try Henrik. I don’t need to ask him where he is. He’s out partying. I can hear the loud music in the background and the moans in the room.
“Jesus, Hen. I asked you to keep an eye on him. I think he’s drunk or high. His texts don’t make sense, and I can’t reach him.” I grab a sweater and my purse and lock the door behind me, stepping into my dad’s car.
“Chill, Gemma. He just wants your attention.”
“You promised you’d be there. He’s going through a hard time. Your threesomes can wait.” I hang up on him and drive thirty over the speed limit to Harvey’s.
A cold whiff of air hits me as I step out of the car. I’m in spandex leggings and a sweater. Not the warmest for colder nights.
My body shook the entire way here. I can’t even imagine what I’d do if Harvey hurt himself because of me.
