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“What would you have had me do, Apple? Huh?” I wanted to pull my hair out. There was a war going on inside me. One part of me knew I needed to let her go. I’d been right all those months ago. She was way too young for me. Twenty to my thirty. “I knew I was bringing danger to the Iron Tzars’ gate.”
“They didn’t send anyone away, Deacon,” she shot back. “If we’d been in that much danger, Sting would have put all the women and children on lockdown, or sent them away. Bones. Salvation’s Bane. Black Reign. All of them would have offered to take everyone in. Hell, the Shadow Demons would have taken everyone in and put us in the lap of luxury, pooling all their considerable resources and manpower to get the danger away from us if Sting thought it was warranted.” She thumped her chest with her fist. “You saying it was only me who was in danger? Because I won’t believe it. No. You made a decision for me, without letting me be part of that decision. I’m not sure how you managed to keep it all from Lemon, but if you brought the same danger here you did to Iron Tzars, then you broke my heart for nothing!” She wailed that last part in an anguished cry.
The truth stung, more than I’d like to admit. She was right. I had made decisions for both of us without her input, thinking I knew best, thinking I was keeping her safe when inreality, I was just pushing her further away. Every choice I’d made, every action I’d taken driven by my desire to protect her had only served to harm her.
I took a slow step toward her. “You’re a hundred percent right. I fucked up. I won’t lie and tell you Sting was all in with what I did. The fear was that I hadn’t hidden my relationship with you well enough. That someone from these cells I’d been trying to infiltrate would come after you to hurt me. I sat next to Borris Illivitch for months before I took down that first group. I looked into his eyes, listened to his depraved tales. When I was finally able to find the next link in the chain, I let him see what I was capable of. I let him live in case I needed him, but that was the biggest mistake of my life. It was what made me push you away from me.”
“Still doesn’t explain why you’re here now. You ran me off from Iron Tzars and one sister. Do you think you can force me away from my twin too?”
“No, Apple. I’ve not come here for a repeat of our last meeting. Lemon called me after you were shot. I don’t know how much she knows, but she told me I was an ass and that you needed me.”
“Well, she was wrong. I don’t need you. I’ll be fine on my own.”
“I’m not leavin’ you again. Not now. Not ever.”
“Oh, come on! You’re so fucking arrogant! You think I’ll… what? Take you back just like that? We were supposed to have started our life together over two years ago! I’d say you lost the right to ask to see me when you told me you needed some rest before we could hang out.”
“Damnit, Apple! I’m not leaving until I know you’ve healed. You could have died!”
“You think I don’t know that? But my actions saved Calista’s life so I don’t regret them. Now, while I appreciate youcoming when my sister called, I don’t need you here. I don’t want you here.”
Chapter Six
Apple
The second I uttered the words, I knew I’d made a pretty bad error. Deacon was a bastard and I hated him right now, but he also knew me better than I knew myself. As a result, he could tell when I was lying. Like I was doing right now. Because, Ididn’tnot want Deacon here. Oh, no. Idesperatelywanted him here. I thought I might evenneedhim here. No one had ever made me feel as safe and loved as Deacon had.Before. I wanted those feelings back. I needed them to feel whole again, but I wasn’t sure I could ever reclaim what we’d lost.
“You’re lying,” he whispered. “Youdowant me here.”
“You’re imagining things.”
“I don’t think I am.” He took a slow step toward me, keeping me away from the door and freedom. “You want me here.”
I tried to hold his gaze, defiant, but my heart was betraying me, pounding so loudly I feared he could hear it. “You can’t just walk back into my life and assume --”
“Assume what? That you still care?” His voice was low, a dangerous kind of soft that wrapped around me like a shroud. “I know you, Apple. I can see it in your eyes.”
My frustration was boiling over. The nerve of the man standing before me was only matched by the undeniable pull I felt toward him. A pull just as strong today as it was the first day I met him.
“That’s just it,” I snapped. “You know me better than anyone ever has other than Lemon. Why does it have to be you? Why can’t I love someone else? God know I’d tried, too.” I’d flirted with some of the guys at Grim, just to see if there wasa spark of excitement. Even if it was only about sex. But there hadn’t been. No one other than Deacon would ever be what I wanted.
He advanced on me then, a mask of fury falling over his features. “There damned well better not be anyone else.” He backed me up until I was against the wall. “Who is he, Apple? Who the fuck is he?”
OK. This was new. I’d never seen Deacon lose his cool like this. His eyes were wild with both anger and… pain? I decided to ignore the emotional outburst and answer the question as if he didn’t look like a crazy person.
“None of your Goddamned business, Deacon. You don’t even get to ask that question, let alone get an answer.”
“No? Fine. Your decision. But I’m gonna make sure you know who you belong to now.”
Before I could protest and tell him to go fuck himself, Deacon brought his mouth down on mine and kissed me like he was fuckingstarvingfor me.
The kiss was both an invasion and a homecoming, aggressive and familiar all at once. I wanted to shove him away, to scream at him for assuming I wanted his touch after everything that happened. But my body rememberedbefore,and melted into the familiarity of his touch, betraying my resolve. His lips moved against mine with a desperation that mirrored my own, pouring years of apology and longing into the gesture.
When he finally pulled back, he didn’t go far. His forehead rested against mine, his breath mingling with mine, heavy and hot. “I’m sorry,” he whispered hoarsely. “For everything. I had valid reasons I won’t apologize for because, above everything else, I will always protect you, Apple.”
“I never doubted you would.” I was exasperated as well as hurt. “That’s what you are. A protector to everyone you careabout. But if you’d just explained it to me, we could have worked it out together.”
“Not on something like this, honey. The men I had after me would have made the short remainder of your life a living hell just to torture me. It was worth risking my happiness to make sure you were as far away from those monsters as possible.”
